I haven’t been feeling well. Nothing major just a bit weak and some aching in my joints. While this has not slowed me down in my daily duties and responsibilities it has made it harder for me to write. You see mes chers, I write everything in my head first. Then I sit down when I have time and basically transcribe. These small pains makes it harder to focus and interrupt the whole transcription process. I also hurt my lower back/ minor pulled muscle so it’s hard to sit down.
I was going through some blogging withdrawal when due to an ironic twist of Karma the lovely Ms. Ashley of Ashley’sThoughts tagged me. I feel its an ironic twist of Karma because I am getting a taste of what it was like for an ex gf i.e riddled with joint pain and unable it sit down for extended periods of time after having been tagged. At the time I was 240 -250lbs squatting 600lbs at the gym and having grown up Roman Catholic, I thought sexual congress would have some redemptive powers and free me from the empire of grief I carried at the time. It didn’t but it helped my overall cardio and perfected my form for bent over rows 🙂
BTW Ms Ashley sounds like Dominatrix name anyways
*You must post the rules.* Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post and then create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged. *Then tag 11 people with a link to your post. *Let them know you’ve tagged them!
How often does your phone ring? Not a text alert, I mean how often does it ring with another person on the other end who wants to talk to you?
It never rings because its on silent. I spent two years without a phone and it was effing nice!!! So I still haven’t gotten used to using a fone again. I never remember to check it. I have an email that if people need me they write to (it’s like the bat signal) I’m always online for work/school/ everything else I do.
Have you come across anything so far in life that is actually all it’s cracked up to be?
Life! It’s really awesome to be alive even with all the saddness, pain. I wouldn’t give it up or wanna change anything. If I go tonight, I would have no regrets, and would go laughing because that how I spend a significant portion of my day. To me things don’t seem to be as cracked up as they could be because we hold on to the version of them that we envision.
What decade do you wish you could visit?
I want to visit the 70’s just to understand better why things were the way they were in the 80’s when I was coming up. Also AIDS didnt exist before 1981, and I need to get my grove on, or if I wanna be anatomically correct, I need to get in and stretch out a grove on a willing lady.
When was the last time you cried? Why?
In the French play Cyrano de Bergerac it is written:
Je ne laisserai pas, tant que j’en serai maître,/ I never will, while of myself I’m master,
La divine beauté des larmes se commettre/ let the divinity of tears–their beauty
Avec tant de laideur grossière !. . .Vois-tu bien,/ Be wedded to such common ugly grossness.
Les larmes, il n’est rien de plus sublime, rien,/ Nothing more solemn than a tear–sublimer;
Et je ne voudrais pas qu’excitant la risée,/ And I would not by weeping turn to laughter
Une seule, par moi, fût ridiculisée !. . ./ The grave emotion that a tear engenders!
Because of a giant nose Cyrano imagines himself to ugly to pursue the object of his affection. Which is proof to be that cunnilingus didn’t exist or come to prominence even as a joke until 1945-49 definitely after the beaches of Normandy were stormed. (Maybe I should make a post about why). In all seriousness I think when I was younger I didn’t let myself cry as it was then a sign of weakness, and I had gotten numb to the slings and Arrows of outrageous Fortune. At most now a single tear escapes but that gets dried up quickly in the elusive winds of heedlessness that sweep the city from time to time. (That’s a good fucking sentence). Sometimes on those grey days we all have when we feel out of sorts, I wish I could cry about something, feel some sort of connection to something real. I have one time recently cried though:
I was in the worst sickle cell pain in my life writhing and screaming on the floor, unable to take deep breaths, or move my body enough to help someone dress me. It was the only time in my life I didn’t want to continue onward. I had before felt gravenly lonely, I had contemplated suicide before when I was younger, but for the first time it [suicide] felt real, as no human being should have to experience pain like that – you feel like an animal shot on one of those TV shows, or the wildebeast being eaten alive by a pride of lions just there lucid and reduced to making sounds so much for the paragon of animals thing
What a piece of work is a man, How noble in
Reason, how infinite in faculties, in form and moving
how express and admirable, In action how like an Angel!
in apprehension how like a god, the beauty of the
world, the paragon of animals. and yet to me, what is
this quintessence of dust?
I think that that feeling [utter helplessness] is always there just below the surface of what we let ourselves feel. I remember thinking at the time that if I was able to stand up on my own two feet and breathe enough to get a running start I would have jumped out the window and ended it, but my sister wasn’t there ( I couldn’t leave without giving her my goodbye) and thankfully the pain subsided a enough for me to get dressed with help, walk 2 – 3 agonizing blocks and take a bus to the Emergency room, where I waited 4 hours before being seen. For some reason when I am suffering the most I tell the best jokes, I was able to make some people laugh on the way, people love jokes about priaprism.
Do you consider yourself open-minded? Are you really, or do you say yes because you feel like you’re supposed to?
I’m pretty open-minded, I think if you are closed minded nowadays you will go crazy. Globalization, affordable travel are bringing so many traditionally disparate culture together. I try to never let the way I see things limit me. I have had great convo’s and friendship at time with drug dealers and ex cons, reformed and non reformed ho bags. I think we tend to forget we are all hopelessly flawed.
Plus I have experienced the ramifications of someone’s closed mindedness enough to know how terrible a thing it is to be.
How often do you find yourself telling a “little white lie” or a “bold-faced lie?” Are you a liar? Is everyone?
I had this policy of telling everyone the truth of how I really felt and most people didn’t like that. Now depending on the situation, I either stay silent or I tell people what they want to hear so I can be left alone. If someone really and sincerely wants to know what I feel I tell them.
What makes you most excited?
At any moment there are a plethora of things which can excite me, here are a few:
A pretty girl with long hair, pretty girl with short hair, a good drink, a good beer, hearing a song I like, sex, being there for someone in need, solitude and quiet moments, seeing people content with something I have cooked/made for them, seeing people smile, people with a pleasant disposition, a nice story, symbolist french poetry, The Poetry or Vicente Aleixandre, writings of Borges, classical music, old school hiphop and rap, certain Persian women with big brown eyes and a sad look to them, Teaching students who actually give a shit, tight sweaters/pants/skirts on girl, 1st base, 2nd base, talking with stranger who are crazy but not clinically crazy, pony tails and doggy style, Getting a new tattoo, The buzz I am having now after 33oz of Asahi, girls who can talk dirty in English/spanish/french, seeing my dogs go crazy when I come home, Hearing my father laugh, seeing my mother get up and dance for no reason, calling my sister names, A girl with a nice ass ( I am black after all), rice and beans, fried plaintains, griot, grenadia, seeing my best friend/brother Angel, seeing pictures of my cat Tosh who died from diabetes related complications, seeing white hairs in my goatee, meditation, smoking a good cigar, finding a fellow NY‘er outside of New York City, getting comments from You guys (readers), blogging, writing late at night, old school type-writers, restaurants in Washingston DC esp Georgetown, road trips, chit chatting with fellow bloggers, laughing, girls who rock tight jeans and Timbaland boots,(Brooklyn thing), going to Bklyn!, dirty jokes etc, getting my piece published (poetry and other writing) that piece is only for ..well lol
What are your TV guilty pleasures?
I havent watched or owned TV in years every now and then I will watch a something on Netflix but I cant remember the last time I did that.
Would you rather live on top of the clouds or at the bottom of the ocean?
If somehow I could survive it I would reside on the top of the clouds like Zeus, and look at the word through the museum glass of seemingly infinite space and air. Not much at the bottom of the sea, tube worms geothermal vents, carcasses, dinoflagellates shells, at least in the clouds I can people watch like I’m at Starbucks
If you died tomorrow, what would be your legacy?
I always considered other peoples feelings before my own but I was never a fucking doormat. Whatever I did, whoever I loved, I did 100%. I was honest to a fault. I gave of whatever little I had. Anyone who was ever under my care of watch was well taken care of. I ate a lot of punches and I gave a lot back. I left in peace without worry, fear. No one ever left my house or apartment underfed or without a good laugh. more tangibly boxes of unpublished stuff.
What comes to mind when you think of New Jersey?
I have a lot of my friends in Jersey that I havent seen in a long time. I think of cheaper apartments and than in the City and maybe moving out there. jersey isnt as bad as everyone says and also the girls arent as easy as everyone says. I remember the endless NJ turnpike on route from NYC to Virginia
1. What is your favorite obscure word in English at the moment?
2. When you ask someone for their opinion do you honestly want it?
3. Would you:
Call me Big Daddy when you back that azz up?
Drop it like it’s hot, drop drop it like it’s hot ?
Chill a your local bar/watering hole and drink with the infamous MrMary
4. Aside from MrMary, What, Who Inspires You? – no candy-ass answers – soem real nitty gritty shit please – j/k 😀
5. Is the glass half empty or half full? (you cant answers its 100% backwash that’s my answer)
6. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
7. What’s the strangest talent you have?
8. Is there one thing all of your love interests have had in common?
9. How do you eat your cookie? (In retrospect dirty question)
10. How do you feel about your life right now?
11. What did you dream last night?
People I nominate: