I saw a friend today on a long walk who reads this blog. After the usual catching up, name-calling and laughter I was asked wassup with my blog. Supposedly aspoonfulofsuga is a massive disinformation campaign, whereby the more I talk about things, the more I obscure and perhaps obfuscate my real thoughts and feelings on things. My punk ass friend dared me then to write about something personal, without the snark, smoke machines and the cloaked siren-call ushering my readers onwards into new realms of duplicity.
Accepting the Challenge
A few month after my trip to the ER 2 years ago, I am up at 5AM getting ready to accompany my lady to work. When she comes out the bathroom I hear the news that I amgoing to be a pops in 9 months time. I call my sister who after saying a few omg’s well wishes and squeels, proceeds to say “The piping works after all faggot”. We all laugh and go to work. That evening I find myself eating ice cream and drinking beer because of the significance of such an event was heavy to bear. Despite an impressive resume and degrees, businesses started (and failed) all before I was 30, I still pretty much viewed myself to be a clown of sorts.
I started taking better care of myself, took my supplementary medication regularly, and all the stuff I neglected to do I did. I even called my father, we talked and for the first time in a long while and I had no feeling of punching him in the face. Something larger than our own drama was beginning to assert itself in all our lives.
As a pre-med /biology/scientific researcher/son of a doctor, I have a firm understanding of what was going on. I still read the books, prepared the meals, tried to clean as much as I could after 3 jobs. I took extra care in the kitchen to make the balanced stuff, watched project Runway (yeah I know). I took my already A game to another level. My lady after 11 months of working had to quit her job and I began the job search for more work. One of the ramifications of having so frequent sickle cell attacks (2 per month for a year and half) was that I feel into a serious depression, but I got the help I needed and worked through that. I was the equivalent of Michael Jordan in the 4th quarter of an NBA finals. I was getting everything done.
A few weeks later my lady suffered a late term miscarriage, we lost what would be our first born son. Since she was far along she still had to give birth in a very busy maternity ward. It took its toll on her hearing new born cry and having to give birth to a baby we could take home. She was in the hospital for a while and I managed to get some time off to continue to take care of things. She fell into a sorta post partum depression and things were never the same after that really. It is really painful to watch someone you love retreat more and more into themselves until they are un-reachable.
Over the next two years in a string of what some would call bad luck. One of the places I was working closed down. I ended up losing my apartment, becoming single and living with relatives on a couch, having all my stuff in storage.
C’est La Vie
“When everything goes wrong, what a joy to test your soul and see if it has endurance and courage! An invisible and all-powerful enemy—some call him God, others the Devil, seem to rush upon us to destroy us; but we are not destroyed.”
There is also my other favorite quote: “Life is trouble. Only death is not. To be alive is to undo your belt and look for trouble.” But that’s a funny story for another day 🙂
I finally have a day off tomorrow and I took a long long walk today as this stuff went down almost 2 years to the date.
“Any idiot can face a crisis, it is this day-to-day living that wears you out.” – Chekov
- Behind the Scenes of ASpoonfulofSuga: Why Re-Vitaligo? (aspoonfulofsuga.wordpress.com)
- Ham-Fisted Gynos & My Valentine’s Date With MySecretCrushForTwoWeeks (aspoonfulofsuga.wordpress.com)
- Behind the Scenes of ASpoonFulofSuga: The Sweetness Behind the Sarcasm (aspoonfulofsuga.wordpress.com)