A Reader’s challenge & a long walk – Some Real Life Scenes


I saw a friend today on a long walk who reads this blog. After the usual catching up, name-calling and laughter I was asked wassup with my blog. Supposedly aspoonfulofsuga is a massive disinformation campaign, whereby the more I talk about things, the more I obscure and perhaps obfuscate my real thoughts and feelings on things. My punk ass friend dared me then to write about something personal, without the snark, smoke machines and the cloaked siren-call ushering my readers onwards into new realms of duplicity.

Accepting the Challenge

A few month after my trip to the ER 2 years ago, I am up at 5AM getting ready to accompany my lady  to work. When she comes out the bathroom I hear the news that I amgoing to be a pops in 9 months time. I call my sister who after saying a few omg’s well wishes and squeels, proceeds to say “The piping works after all faggot”. We all laugh and go to work. That evening I find myself eating ice cream and drinking beer because of the significance of such an event was heavy to bear.  Despite an impressive resume and degrees, businesses started (and failed) all before I was 30, I still pretty much viewed myself to be a clown of sorts.

I started taking better care of myself, took my supplementary medication regularly, and all the stuff I neglected to do I did.  I even called my father, we talked and for the first time in a long while and I had no feeling of punching him in the face. Something larger than our own drama was beginning to assert itself in all our lives.

As a pre-med /biology/scientific researcher/son of a doctor, I have a firm understanding of what was going on. I still read the books, prepared the meals,  tried to clean as much as I could after 3 jobs. I took extra care in the kitchen to make the balanced stuff, watched project Runway (yeah I know). I took my already  A game to another level. My lady after 11 months of working had to quit her job and I began the job search for more work. One of the ramifications of having so frequent sickle cell attacks (2 per month for a year and half) was that I feel into a serious depression, but I got the help I needed and worked through that. I was the equivalent of Michael Jordan in the 4th quarter of an NBA finals. I was getting everything done.

A few weeks later my lady suffered a late term miscarriage, we lost what would be our first born son. Since she was far along she still had to give birth in a very busy maternity ward. It took its toll on her hearing new born cry and having to give birth to a baby we could take home. She was in the hospital for a while and I managed to get some time off to continue to take care of things.  She fell into a sorta post partum depression and things were never the same after that really. It is really painful to watch someone you love retreat more and more into themselves until they are un-reachable.

Over the next two years in a string of what some would call bad luck. One of the places I was working closed down. I ended up losing my apartment, becoming single and living with relatives on a couch, having  all my stuff in storage.

C’est La Vie

I never expected life to be fair.  I roll with the punches live in the moment as best as I can. Nikos Kazantzakis has this beautiful quote in book Zorba the Greek:

“When everything goes wrong, what a joy to test your soul and see if it has endurance and courage! An invisible and all-powerful enemy—some call him God, others the Devil, seem to rush upon us to destroy us; but we are not destroyed.”

There is also my other favorite quote: “Life is trouble. Only death is not. To be alive is to undo your belt and look for trouble.” But that’s a funny story for another day 🙂

I finally have a day off tomorrow and I took a long long walk today as this stuff went down almost 2 years to the date.

“Any idiot can face a crisis, it is this day-to-day living that wears you out.” – Chekov

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11 comments

  1. Your friend is a shit head. I blame him for how I’m feeling right now. I’m so sorry about everything you had to go through…losing a baby must be one of the deepest pains for a parent. Unsurprisingly though, you have bounced back with a vengeance and bring so much pleasure to all your readers, and I’m sure everyone around you, including moi of course! I don’t “know” you, but from your “massive disinformation campaign” you sound like an amazing human being. And actually after this post, I feel like we’re on a new level of friendship. Can I call you Big D?

    HUUUUUUUGSSSSSSSS!

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    • Aww thanks for the hugs lil homey.

      My friend and I relentlessly tease each other. It’s how we show our camaraderie and affection for each other. Supposedly it’s out of brotherly love that we call each other asshole. I am notorious for not sharing much about myself, and saying vague things to avoid personal questions, so he like to call me out on it every chance he gets lol

      I was so busy the last few days I didn’t realize that it was the anniversary. Out of respect and reverence for the past or for what could have been I took some time out and took a walk.

      I did notice though that once pregnancy hits, the father isn’t really considered much in a lot of things, you transform from being your lady’s pet to servant lol. It makes sense looking at my lady and the other women in the ward there is such an intimate bond formed between child and mom from the get go and life asks a lot from women really. There is however no love for a guy in a maternity ward. It’s almost like a no man’s land you have to get permission to enter lol. It feels like you will be torn to shreds at any moment by some bacchanalian fit of passion.

      You are too nice to me. To me we are all amazing. we wake up each day and give it a try. That act takes such courage and we take it for granted. No one person is more amazing than another same for the roses on a bush all unique and all lovely

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      • Haha, I too have friends like that…it’s all love and fun!

        Walks are the best way to clear your mind, or to really ponder about something. That’s why I think traveling solo is such an awesome thing. Leaves so much time to think about things.

        Though I’ve yet to experience pregnancy, and hopefully will not for a while longer, I believe you when you say the maternity ward shuns men. Ya’ll aren’t having contractions!! And I think it’s respectable of you as the other gender to recognize that women do go through a lot. Real shit heads are those who leave a pregnant woman and child behind.

        I’m too nice in general. I had a coworker who once hated me because she said I was too nice and didn’t have a back bone. Then she got fired because she was a BIATCH. Even so, I will consider her a unique rose, albeit a thorny one.

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      • Hey Lil Homey!

        Yeah traveling solo is really awesome. I will be traveling a bit this year hopefully to England, to boston and Philly , maybe out to California. The nurses are straight up grimey in the ward. A couple of guys outside were about to riot.

        Women do go through a lot more than they get credit for. You know the philosopher mystic Ibn el Arabi said that women are the highest expression of Divinity in physical form. Its a nice flowery statement at first but it conceals a heavy responsibility if you break it down a bit. Since we were talking about books, you may like the works of Jose saramago, its always the women who is the source of redemption in them, Baltazar and Blimunda dn Blindness of course, the book is infinitely much better than the movie, and also The Cave too

        Maybe I should write a post about that I was too nice also and well still am, but I had to make adjustments along the way to shut some shit down. U rock lil Homey

        Big D

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  2. Thanks for posting such a personal story. I’m sorry you had to go through that. I love your attitude though; continue fighting all the time, life will never be fair. I try to teach my children that every day.

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  3. I didn’t actually mean that comment about your friend being a shit head… It was supposed to be read as a joking manner, but I don’t think it came out that way. 😦 Sorry friend of Mr. mary’s!!!

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