The Beginning to My War On Rosa
Who is Rosa? She was the friend of an ex-lady of mine. Basically Rosa is a single mom with a son. It was beautiful to see them together Rosa y su hijo. Beautiful, redeeming. I decided as the kid was getting on in age to get him a gift. I got him a series of great children’s books that were fun , entertaining, colorful and also like the bullshit illustrated Kama Sutra booklets we give as gifts to each other around Valentines it was designed to help him learn key concepts about life without forsaking his sense of wonder. The books have been used at Montessori schools and as a educator felt it would be a good time for him to benefit from them. He loved it so much he wouldnt let his mama touch them and would sit and gaze at them for a while though he couldn’t read, sort like I do at the inverted-Cow girl pose in the afore mentioned valentine day booklet.
The War on Terror
During the war on terror I came across the works of Columbia Prof Edward Said and thought that I shouldnt be as ignorant as I was. I thought that I should further my knowledge on the middle east. Here is a quote from Said that started it for me
So far as the United States seems to be concerned, it is only a slight overstatement to say that Moslems and Arabs are essentially seen as either oil suppliers or potential terrorists. Very little of the detail, the human density, the passion of Arab-Moslem life has entered the awareness of even those people whose profession it is to report the Arab world. What we have instead is a series of crude, essentialized caricatures of the Islamic world presented in such a way as to make that world vulnerable to military aggression.
Heavy stuff. I thought I should educated myself best as I could. It’s only right. So like everything, I immersed myself into the subject, Middle Easter History, religious expression , mystical traditions, Sufism. One day Rosa comes over sees these books all over the table, and kufi a friend gave me. I guess I must not have shaved for a week or more, because she imagined that I had converted to Islam. Obviously it made sense. I’m black, I work near Harlem, and the few black people she met were muslims so I must have converted.
She then stopped talking to me. I was one of the bad guys like Muhammad Ali, or Ice Cube or Dave Chappelle, Shaquille O’ Neal and ABC favorite doctor, Mehmet Oz – all evil Muslims hell bent on destroying the fabric of American life. It was partly my fault too, I didn’t call french fries ‘Freedom Fries’, I didn’t have the flag hovering above my bed reminding me that I was fucking for the future greatness of America. She proceeded to talk to my then lady’s other friends. They all had an intervention and told my lady it wasn’t good for her to stay around me, I would beat her and make her were shawls and things around her head, and muslim kill babies!
Revenge a Dish to be Served Cold
It was eventually explained to this person that in fact I was just reading for personal edification, and also working with local groups and causes on facebook to promote dialogue between groups. Rosa was told that I am just a black guy with a beard. At the time I wasn’t as mature as I am today, so every time I saw this person or heard that they were on the phone I let my acid tongue loose (Please keep in mind that my then lady was Mexican as was her friend Rosa:
1. It’s getting Cold, Will you be burning a cross in your backyard?
2. You know if You bomb that black Church you could build up a few bodegas?
3. Chayanne is a terrible dancer?
4. Sabado Gigante is shit
5. Mark Anthony isn’t gonna stay with JLo
6. Stop Fucking calling, Government Cheese wont melt no matter how high you put the fire?
7. Kool-Aid really doesn’t have 100% Vitamin C?
8. How was the date, I didn’t know your legs stayed that widely open for so long?
9. If we run out of oil, can I just press the shit in your hair into the tank I have a funnel?
10. Univision is shit and so was Shakira‘s last Album – Her hips dont lie because she is a whore
[BTW As someone who like Shakira’s music it hurt me to say that, but I felt it was imperative to assail every last bastion of her identity as a Latin American women]
11. Payless isn’t your friend, not even the blind would mistaken those for Tom’s
12. Your reading comprehension skills are as questionable as the paternity of your next child
13. I just did a hat dance and fucked up a perfectly good Sombrero
14. Ya Tu Sabe wasn’t a choice on the SAT’s
15. Press on nails make you look more like a bloated harpie not so much a seductive gap-toothed siren
16. Don’t worry, They won’t ask you for your papers at the gym
17. If You turn over during you wont be constipated in the morning
18. If you’re gonna continue sticking your chin out like a boxer wear a bib
How She came to be called Dick Sitter
After being passed around like a joint at a basement party, she landed a bf 8 years younger than she was and about just as smart. I felt that I should stop being mean and let it go and I did. I heard through the grapevine that her new boytoy was the 1st cousin of her ex husband and I couldn’t resist. I said, “who are we to judge, at least when it comes to sitting on Dick she keeps it in the family” And low and behold a new name for Rosa was born, and it spread like wild fire.
In conclusion. I am a little sad that at the time I didn’t have the maturity to know that hurling insults at her every chance I could get for some time wouldn’t do anything. I should have known that just coming up with a seedy name that other people call her was a much better move.
Revenge is harsh. Yours is no exception. Can’t say it solves anything, ever, but your insults sure are HILARIOUS and SO insulting, but I laughed because Rosa is racist.
(and Shakira is mentioned in my post today too!!!!! what are the odds?)
It’s just more proof that you and I are unfairly cooler than your average cooler person 🙂
Yeah dear, I was really mad. Revenge solves nothing. It was childish of me to make fun of her as I did but it was also funny and everyone who heard the jokes got quite the kick out of them. I try not to let loose with the venom anymore , thanks for stopping by lil homey
Did you take your vitamins today?
14. Ya Tu Sabe wasn’t a choice on the SAT’s
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I can’t stop laughing at this.