Handstands, Overindulgent Charm, and Blind Dating Bloggers

Luckily so far Fate has been on my side  and my crushfortwoweeks has put together a post, enumerating as only she can do, the steps necessary to date and of course dance your way to the heart of your blogger of choice. This thorough and impressive list has been culled from the after-effects of my alluring charm (or at least that is what I like to tell myself when I am day dreaming on the train). Just as I love how she finds new ways to inflate my ‘ego’, you should appreciate the new hands stands I have taught myself to be able to angle it right  when I have to engage the urinal, post inflation.

Anyways thought to share some first date ideas that haven’t worked in past, sort of thinking outloud pre-emptively for the upcoming valentines day date. Feel free to share your ideas 🙂

First Date Ideas:

Dancing and Unnecessary roughness

I don’t think she is ready for my versatile two step. I have yet to find a song I can’t do my gangsta two step too but unfortunately there is a possibility my dance moves can be considered, at least in football, Unnecessary Roughness – When a player hits or makes contact with a player after the ball is out. Unfortunately I started dancing mid 90 when the dancing was a lot more real and the balls are often out.

 

Definitely No Singing/Karaoke paired w/ Long Island Iced Teas

I sing very well however when drinking is involved I  mix up lyrics and genre’s of music. Case and point one date we were singing the classic song from the Chi-lites Oh Girl. It was romantic setting, I even shaved and got rid of my classy scruffy and rugged look. Something different ! I just sang the first part

Oh, girl
I’d be in trouble if you left me now
‘Cause I don’t know where to look for love
I just don’t know how

and then instead of the next stanza  I sang:

Oh Girl
your booty is so round
I just wanna lay you down
Let me take you from behind
I won’t come until it’s time
But if I cannot sleep with you
Maybe I could have a taste
Put your niney on my tongue
And your booty on my face

It was a fun song back in the day, it had a nice beat but yea that didn’t go well. Seems that no one found it found it funny.

Hot chocolate and Lactose Intolerance

Hot chocolate and February weather tend to go very nicely like co-ed high-school dates in the broom closet  and Nonoxynol-9. I should have made sure to let my date know the hot chocolate was made with milk and ironically not with swiss miss powder and NYC own toxic tap water.  Suffice it to say I didn’t see much of my date and when I did, seeing both her once nicely teased hair, stuck to her brow with sweat and her face flush with fever, didn’t give me the normal inspiration it does.