“If you’re going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don’t even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery–isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And, you’ll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you’re going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It’s the only good fight there is.”
― Charles Bukowski, Factotum
I was looking back on some posts and I would hate for you guys to think that I am some sad, bitter, foul-mouthed person. Actually I am a joy to be around ( I can hear the snickers). As you have seen on every single WB show, illness and a projected shorter life expectancy have a way of making things very clear, especially when you walk out of the hospital on your own two feet of course. This is very different from limping out a rectory confused and in pain. I’ve been sitting on that one (the joke) for a whole now.
I’m not resigned to any fate and hopefully when it comes time to exit, I will be standing upright and laughing. I can imagine the coroner seeing my laughing face and massive erection, (I was standing upright horizontally) my last joke – I’ll have an open casket and a TV on Telemundo night-time programming in e wake – poor man’s pornography as Telemundo has been called. Ay que linda
I’m a hedonist but not in the way you think. Yes I am easy and if lightly pressured I will put out not on the first date though because I like to give the appearance of having class and manners, but being easy is more a statement about my religious identity than anything else (yes I went to Catholic school judge me, go ahead I dare ya) anyways I digress
I’m all about celebrating whatever state I am in which is for instance why I need to sit on packs of frozen vegetables when I talk to my secret crush for two weeks. When I heard her voice, I said to myself their must be some set of assets to go with that voice, mental assets of course given her sophisticated use of diction, dexterity and polished delivery – the 3 D’s necessary for a good conversation – had to laugh at that.) We talked about the Renaissance, the de Medici’s, jeweled codpieces – I had the largest braingasm in a long time which was a great reminder the plumbing still worked, mentally at least. But I don’t kiss and tell, rather I…. well there is no clever euphemism for that, there is but I can’t think of giving the swell in my ego currently. But anyways, back to the point I was making.
You would think that knowing we can go at any time would make us nice and kinder to each other but for some reason it doesn’t. If you thought each meal could be your last, you might one day put your face it in and dispense with the small talk and manners and enjoy, at least I do on my second date if it going good – uhm as long as it’s not french onion soup, it’s too messy, unless you kinda …… Speaking of french, and pursing one’s lips, (I used to teach basic French you have to bring your lips together to say this like, actually I won’t even write it, too much charm saturating this post already), here are some lines from a Famous song I will translate for you
Quand je prendrai solitaire/ When I will take
L’aller simple sans retour/That solitary path without return
Que tout homme de la terre/ That all men
Prend un jour / Take one day
Pour aller voir Dieu le père / To go see God the Father
Et lui conter mes vertus / And recount to him my good deeds
Je lui dirais sans manière/ I might tell him without fussing
J’ai vécu / I have lived
J’ai vécu la vie d’un être / I have lived the life of a being
Pétri de chair et de sang / of flesh and blood
J’ai vécu / I have lived
Chaque seconde de mon temps / every second of my time
J’ai vécu pour tout connaître / I have lived to know everything
De ce qui m’était offert / That was offered to me
Sans souci d’aller au ciel ou en enfer / Without worry of going to heaven or hell
Pensant que je n’avais rien de mieux à faire / thinking that I didn’t have anything better to do
Impressed? I can do it all night – uhm translating old french songs. I volunteered in a hospital in a cancer floor. It was crushing some days. Maybe you have seen it in a person’s eyes, how they are there less and less. I see it on the train every day it stirs the heart. Of the many of the patients I talked to Mr. H was my favorite he told me the secret to his happiness was that he lived. He never aspired to be a saint, just to live fully as a human being. I could imagine his laughter before he was sick, must have sounded like a thunder peel.
Though like the Kazantzakis’ Zorba, my creed is to unfasten my belt and look for trouble, I have morals, and more importantly obnoxiously bright-colored clean underwear. (That’s not me though, I’m a darker chocolate, better for you heart and all around cardio 😉 Ok Ending this rant midst muffled giggles.