A Master Work in Contempt: Work-Study Jobs and Venereal Disease

Contempt (noun): disregard for something that should be taken into account.

I am unfortunately a very honest person. If there was a scale of honesty, I’d be at the highest level, erection level honest. Nothing is more honest than an erection. It let’s you know what time it is figuratively (and also literally depending on the positioning, curvature and tightness of pants.) When exercising erection-level honesty I cannot really hide how I feel about things. I’m surprised I wasn’t fired from a few jobs.

The reason why I say that is because I am not really over enthusiastic about using my talents and passion to make a company or someone else look good. I don’t as the saying goes, get a boner for team building activities. Actually that not a real saying, but I still feel that team building exercises are a waste.

I have a unique style of leadership where I show up, and don’t dick around in my office, and bark orders. I talk to people care about how they and earn the respect of the people I work with. So I thought I would share for old time’s sake an incident or two that I’ve been a part of at work.

Work Study Scenarios

Scenario 1

Like Veneral Disease

(While at the urinal next to a Gym Patron)
Mr Mary: Fuck! that shit burns – I got to put a LOJACK on that chick so I know where she’s been.
………………… Awkward Silence ……………………
Mr Mary: Hey Sir, can I show you something, I don’t think this looks right.
Patron: (zipping up & trying to get the hell out) uh uhn…I’m not a Doctor it think it be best to ..
Mr Mary: It will only take a sec, its o.k. it doesn’t mean you’re gay , unless you want to buy me dinner afterwards <chuckles> I just need another guy’s opinion
Patron: (Leaving in a hurry) – sorry
(Laughter from my friend J in the shitter)

Scenario 2

Female Student: You didn’t scan my card……
Me: Oh yeah sorry Ma’am! … you know syphilis affects the cranial nerves….. ok scanned……
Hey you’re awfully pretty, want to grab some coffee at Starbucks I’m off in 30 minutes
Female Customer: I have to get back to work,
Me: Ok then I guess Ill cya around. Have a nice workout.

Scenario 3 – no picture needed

(Female Co-workers talking about their dates over the weekend)

Female Co-worker: He was so romantic
Female Co-worker2: Really… where did he take you ?
Mr. Mary: Sorry to cut in ladies but you know… I’m very romantic. You guys should go out with me, maybe at the same time to cut costs… you know how little we get paid
Female Co-worker: You’re not romantic
Female Co-worker2: Bullshit
Mr Mary: I’ll have know, that for the record I’m very romantic !!! That’s why I ask for anal on the first date. I respect women and their ability to sit comfortable and will continue to do so until their ready for it to be disrespected in loving consequential fashion.
(Awkward Silence… followed by a loud eruption of laughter from everyone)

Quote:

“It was true that I didn’t have much ambition, but there ought to be a place for people without ambition, I mean a better place than the one usually reserved. How in the hell could a man enjoy being awakened at 6:30 a.m. by an alarm clock, leap out of bed, dress, force-feed, shit, piss, brush teeth and hair, and fight traffic to get to a place where essentially you made lots of money for somebody else and were asked to be grateful for the opportunity to do so?”
—Factotum, 1975