Disclaimer: is a someone’s personal story that i have distorted to protect their identity. All the events are real but the name and places have been changed
I was inspired by a post called “Sexy Videos” on the blog of my new secret crush the elegant, callipygian, late 20’s something, lady who authors the blog the HowtoDateBoys blog. I will wait for you to google callipygian (tangent– my parents who were immigrants to this great nation used to make me study the dictionary. To make it fun I learned many obscure words to describe things. My parents never got the jokes about Lady Godiva on the horse and why they named chocolate after her but-their loss)
Anyways I was sitting down with my lady at a table being silly and trying to make her laugh and have whatever she is drinking go through her nose. When nothing was working I decided to hit her with my latest rant about how I was going to send in some gratuitous nude pictures of myself for a job to work in a nursing home – that way I figured I would be helping out grandchildren everywhere – their birthday cards would have bigger bills as Grandma would spend all her loose change and ones on me.
Not a laugh! She in fact was ignoring me for some secret offense I had committed at some time long lost to the annals of history. She had saved her anger and resentment to assault me on my one day off, when I shaved, and put on my best Im with stupid T-shirt to go out on the twon with her.
I decided to have the last laugh and send her some gratuitously nude 5 sec video. Vengence is a dish to be served cold so I waited 2 week till she was online at McDonald’s, and texted me to ask what I wanted. I added the video to the my answer “a double digit number meal” for the sake of irony I guess.
Needless to say the prank worked and while laughing at the top of the line a cashier or the person waiting to the left might have been inadvertantly flashed but not in a way I could be arrested for public nudity or lewdness.
The Bad part of this story
Weeks later I was standing on the corner and got a message my phone was out of memory having forgotten what was on my phone I was going through the phone deleting pictures until I came to the video. The lighting was awful, and in retrospect I didn’t think I put my best foot forward, this was before the days when manscaping & hello Kitty Shaped merkin became the rage as they are today.
Staying on the corner looking at phallus hasn’t been popular since the days of ancient Greece. I didn’t notice until a man standing next to me sad: “Nice!” with a lisp I at first thought he was talking to someone else, but alas we were the only two on the corner , so i ran
“The Horror , the horror” – Kurtz
I guess in the end the joke was on me. The video was promptly deleted and I passed by a church for some saving grace.
#True Story!!! #WINNING