Russel Brand and Katy Perry Inspired reflections on the Institution of Marriage

Seeing how many people are engaged and on their way to getting married, and how many people are plotting murder and on their way to divorce. I thought I would take a moment to share some of my most pertinent advise, that has kept my marriage fresh like a wounds from a road side bomb or a land mine. We all know that for two people to come together as one, if limbs aren’t going to be cut off, each person has to be neutered and spiritually amputated.

Marriage Tip No. 1:  Till Divorce do us part

Divorce Cake - Cuz it's a Celebration - When Lincoln freed Blacks he freed people trapped in the slavery of Marriage

We live a lot longer than the human beings who did when the institution of Marriage was created and accepted as an integral part of social structure. Most people in the West today are going to have two or three marriages or committed relationships in their lifetime. Life has become too complex to have just one marriage and live twice as long. Instead of seeking a counselor start talking with your divorce lawyer before the wedding and set up frequent meetings. That way you will get a rate for marriage 2-9 onward  if you go the Larry King route. There is no big surprise when divorce is brought up.

Marriage Tip No. 2:  Take care of yourself.

Focus on being the best person and partner you can be according to your deepest values.” The Longer your stay in shape and good looking the better the chances you have at landing something  nice when you divorce. This will help you move on Quicker. I would even say once 2-3 months before prospective divorce date start seeing other people tighten up the game and you’re set. Have more sex,  Don’t ignore your bedroom. It’s also very important to help you land later wives/husbands.

Marriage Tip No. 3:  Lower your expectations.

The Lower your expectations the easier they will be satisfied, and the more you can continue the isolated pathetic existence that has continued onward from high school to present day.

Marriage Tip No. 4:  Give up belief in hope the afterlife, fate, and happiness

When you have nothing to look forward to your inner focus. You will be all about instant gratification which of course is much more satisfying, until you are terminally ill and look back on your life. But by that time compulsory death may already be the norm fuck it

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