Uncle Tom’s Fairy Tales – 7/12 Things About Me that May or May not be True


History gets re-written every day by the conquerors, winners, Fox News correspondants and the writers of Wikipedia articles. I personally do not intend for anyone to write anything about my own history . I want history to be kind to me, so I intend to write it. After all  If I’m going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice!

Luckily I did not have an opportunity to unleashed my fabricated version of myself to you here on the internet till the lovely Ms. Schmidt from this bad ass blog asked and I quote :” Care to make any confessions yourselves” at the end of her Blog Post: New Years Countdown Series, Day 0: 12 Confessions. And so with that said, the going on gets a going on.

12. I am site-specifically foul mouthed

I get a kick out of saying foul things around my parents  who during my childhood were overly oppressive being immigrants and coming from a war torn country and having lived in a ghetto In New York City:

Example:

Context: Having Dinner at a Diner and all happy that the Gay Marriage became legal

Me: Hey If someone’s idea of a good time is  getting sloppy at an all you can eat dick buffet that  doesn’t mean he isn’t a human being, it means that  he  doesn’t feel uncomfortable when he gets his throat swabbed at the annual check-up. Why shouldn’t he marry another dude with the same magical power?

11.  I am a Humble Guy

Though me calling attention to it makes me anything but humble.

10. I am an INFP

It’s a Meyers Briggs personality type I thought would best fit the illusion I am creating with this post.

About the INFP

CAN YOU DIG IT?!?!?!?!?!

INFPs focus deeply on their values, and they devote their lives to pursuing the ideal. They often draw people together around a common purpose and work to find a place for each person within the group. They are creative, and they seek new ideas and possibilities. They quietly push for what is important to them, and they rarely give up. While they have a gentleness about them and a delightful sense of humor, they may be somewhat difficult to get to know and may be overlooked by others. They are at their best making their world more in line with their internal vision of perfection. INFPs may have skewed or unrealistic ideas about reality

In other Words: I’m a complicated man but no one understands me but my woman!!

9. I am very Anonymous

I am very anonymous looking. Depending on how I dress and whether I wear glasses or how I wear my facial hair I can look very different. I have passed in front of my mother and family a few times and they didnt notice me.

By the way have you noticed something ?  With everyone having Smart Phones and so many gadgets adorning them how would you tell if someone is a spy ? The person holding their iPhone taking pictures who are they really? What are they exactly taking pictures of? Do you really know what is in plain site in front of you? How do you know that in coming to this site your activity isnt being logged  for some secretly clandestine purpose. Luckily as an INFP I have have skewed or unrealistic ideas about reality. It’s not there are invisible drone planes taking pictures.

Happiness can exist only in acceptance.
George Orwell

8. Can you say Callipygian?

Listen, I was wandering. Can I ask you a question? Uh... was your father a meat burgler? Here's why I ask: because it looks like somebody stole two fine hams and shoved them down the back of your dress.

Suffering from revitaligo – the disease where my skin gets darker and darker every year I can say without remorse that I like big butts and I cannot lie! (Yes clicking on that link will take you to that Sir Mix a lot video if that is too urban for you try this Video). I have been waiting to say that line from the Ladies Man to some unsuspecting lady but it has happened yet. Anyone wanna volunteer

7. I Love Language

hmmm……. so here is another Mike Tyson Quote

“I’m just a dark guy from a den of iniquity. A dark shadowy figure from the bowels of iniquity. I wish I could be Mike who gets an endorsement deal. But you can’t make a lie and a truth go together. This country wasn’t built on moral fiber. This country was built on rape, slavery, murder, degradation and affiliation with crime.”

6. I love to laugh and make people Laugh

Now at this point in my life instead of just making others laugh I can laugh too and do so quite frequently because for the longest I was unable to smile and or laugh myself. I had to deal with too much when I was rather young.

Prize Money Opportunity

If you can guess why I called this Uncle Tom’s Fairy Tales  I will give you $50 in monopoly money or get you some pizza on me if you are ever in NYC. Provided you want to eat with me or be seen in public with a sufferer of Revitaligo who is site specifically foul mouthed.

 



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