SAT Word Charged 2012 Resolution List, Kvetching about Freshly Pressed, & the Occupy WordPress Movement (OWP)

In a past posting entitled  Why WordPress’s Freshly Pressed Is a Sham – Exposing the dreamworld we believe to be real. I took on the task of channeling my inner David Icke and deconstructed the surreptitious invectives of social networking and blogging platform WordPress and exposed their solipsistic bias.

WordPress’ Freshly Pressed is the tangible representation of a horrible attempt to create a similacrum of reality pleonastically littered with positive messages and as one reader described it:  “Stupid Happy Go Lucky Bullshit”. – [On a side note I have many readers with Tourrette’s.]

Investigative Journalism at Work

Many of you will appreciate how difficult it is to inwardly channel known mountebank and reprobate David Icke but knowing what is at stake [i.e the fate of democracy in North Korea]  I was up for the challenge. I decide to take see if there was a blog post on Freshly Pressed today that came close to my normal expectations for a boring, self-absorbed, vapid stringing together of words. There were too many posts with the excitement level of a prostate examination sans lubricant to pick from. I thought I would share with you some quotes from the Freshly Pressed blog posts that made me contemplate bikini waxing with imitation wax from China.

Most I dont even know what to say : I’m watching Mad Men (I’m a huge fan).  Roger Sterling has just walked into Don Draper’s office and Don has poured him the customary drink.  Now, Roger is more of a vodka man, but Don, he’s a rye man.  On his office bar, there is always a bottle of Canadian Club and whoever walks into his office drinks it.  It’s a man’s world in 1960’s advertising, and whisky is the drink of men.   Women on the show are always drinking wine or a vodka gimlet, but Peggy, when she lands her first account is offered a celebratory glass of rye.  She’s now playing with the boys, so she has to learn to drink like them too. 

Most Mentally Stimulating : ” NEW YEARS RESOLUTION #1: POST REGULARLY” – On a blogging site – you could be onto something.

Most Like a Bowel movement – [The Payoff of getting to the end of Wreaked of Shit !] – Christmas is almost here! Gah, I can hardly stand the wait – nog, carols, presents and my nieces in adorable Christmas attire (I’m just assuming). With only a few days to go before Santa comes to town, its time for one more Christmas post – exploding with vintage-holiday glam!”

Most In Tune with the message of Christ  for the Holiday Season – Bonus Tip: Encourage your guests to purchase really kooky and unique gifts. This makes the exchange a lot more fun! What’s the wackiest gift you’ve ever received at the holidays? Let me know in the comment section below. –  This post is a gift, a big ole nutty brown pile of Bullshit gift

Most More likely to be better in Blogger with the rest of the sub-par posting – users are snobs, why else would give up so much like using javascript – and turning our noses up at the Freshly Pressed – For that special woman:  Is there anything a woman loves more than a truly spectacular piece of expensive jewelry?  Since THAT’s not going to happen this Christmas, you can still score points by hitting her other hot button: a love of schmaltzy romance.  Just write in a card, “You own the key to my heart.”  Wrap up a small, jewelry-sized box in which you’ve placed…a key.  Any old key will do –could be the key to your locker at the gym.   Make sure it’s not your car key, though, as it might be awkward to have to ask for it back at the end of the evening.

Resolution and 2012 Occupy WordPress Movement!!!!!

I Mr Mary MuthaFuckinPoppin resolve to

Continually take WordPress to task until I either get Freshly Pressed and then can turn my nose up at all of you who have never been Freshly Pressed or until our Voices are heard and Freshly Pressed has been modified to represent the up & down and coke out moments of human existence and their unique but diverse socio-linguistic, geo-political articulations.

Witness the Birth of the Occupy WordPress Movement

I am sitting in a meditative pose as I write this. This movement is saturated with spirituality like the lone tube sock your teenage son, nephew or cousin hides behind furniture. What I mean is that this movement is alive.

The 99% of us 363,229 bloggers on WordPress dont want to take it anymore! We have had enough of our blog posts being used as statistics for their Freshly Pressed  Page while we never get the opportunity to marginalize and disenfranchise other blogs who like us have been denied entry into this most exclusive club.

There will be beatings (On the keyboard). There will be innocents housed down, eyes stinging of immorality , (only if you check your sons/cousins/nephews computer history – I’m milking the sock reference literally 😀 ). There will be hash tags and pizzas deliveres as my wife doesnt cook and I am too tired to when I get home.

Who’s With Me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

– Mr Mary

PS Stay tuned for bad homemade signs and me drumming to some sick beats that have nothing to do with anything


A screaming comes across the sky. It has happened before, but there is nothing to compare it to now. – Thomas Pynchon

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  1. You could go rogue, win a chance to be Freshly Pressed then break the trophy. They DO give you a trophy right? How can it be an honor if you have no trophy?

    Everyone I knew before being F.P. got a lot of fairweathered readers. Sure, their subscribers went up but they didn’t seem to come back.


    • Yea I like that idea, they better give me a trophy when I get freshly pressed. Need material objects that other people don’t have to attack them self image and self worth. Your definitely right with the subscribers not coming back. Fair Weathered subscribers are the next people I will launch a campaign against ! Hope you are doing well



      • yea when you get F.P.’ed, and win a trophy, record a video of you burning it!! or throwing it around, chucking it at things. that’d be great comedy.


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