Why so serious MrMary ?

Usually when someone asks me why so serious I answer something inappropriate like:

Yeah Me too Lil Homey

You know, your ____________ (insert noun -mom, daughter, wife, ex-gf, sister, best friend, Francine) ask me the same thing when I was climbing off of her this morning, I guess I’m getting old.

Or

I quote a line of poetry that is non-romantic and a bit disturbing like from the Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock

LET us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherized upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels

That really gets the basement juice (New word) flowing for the ladies. In one move you managed to show that your creepy, well read, and a dick who probably wont call the next day, (According to rabid Anti-Semite Mel Gibson that’s really what women want)

The Events of The Day

Yesterday I fell into my own trap. I posted some serious hard hitting posts, and I feel that I have to rectify my out of character seriousness.  It’s bad enough I am a scientist, graduate instructor, and professional vaginal-filler (consensually of course). So here is my corrective and way of paying homage   to Sherman Helmsley, I loved watching him when I was a young boy and actually I found the word honkey so funny I would say it often, until someone pulled me aside and told me not to say it.

The Corrective

Enjoy

The show was truly edgy for its time like all in the family it still cracks me up.

by the way

 

Related articles

• Listen to T.S. Eliot Read his Modernist Masterpieces “The Waste Land” and “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” (openculture.com)
• Chuck Berry, Neoclassicist (themillions.com)
• Project 365, Day 231; The Mermaid’s Hair (angelinem.wordpress.com)
• I will show you Arcade Fire in a handful of dust: why pop music loves TS Eliot (guardian.co.uk)
• Storybook Romance (teowulf.com)
• George Jefferson, African American Sit-com Star Dies, Age 74 (themoderatevoice.com)
• The Risky Business Of Love (thoughtcatalog.com)
• TV Icon Sherman Helmsley, aka “George Jefferson,” Dead at 74 (atlantablackstar.com)
• What Pop Music Owes to The Wasteland (thinghost.wordpress.com)
• “Don’t be afraid” (theconfluencecountdown.com)
• Mary (bagnidilucca.wordpress.com)
• mindful ~mary oliver (pathwriter.wordpress.com)
• Love It or Hate It? Mary-Kate’s Seventh on Sale Look (bellasugar.com)

SendimentandSuch – a badass Blogger I stumbled onto

I met and came across a lot of really cool  bloggers recently. I’ve been kind of busy being a boss drinking malt liquor and getting under-age girls pregnant without though of helping them later in anyway shape or form,  you know regular black people stuff according to the statistics my Irish classmate who lives on the other side of the track basis his mediocrity life on. It’s not his fault though, he is still mad I never invited him to my parole Party, there was this black chick he wanted to mug up on and well…

Sendiment_And_Such

Check this chica out what’s not to like she like the occasional dirty joke, she can recite Goethe, she is educated, likes and has tattoos, like me she is a fan of Nikki Minaj’s ass let me just quote:

There will be a LOT of naughty English words, random German words, and otherwise dirty/engaging rhetoric offered up for consumption in this small corner of the Internet.  I like to share thoughts mostly on political goodies, culture (both pop and otherwise), gay old times, literature, the irony-driven humor of life, philosophy, science, my favorite country besides my own: Deutschland, how owning a pug will make you a better human being, and other lovely side dishes that are sure to compliment any meal.

This week I learned that  she is deathly afraid of Birds and every winged creatures from this post: here.

So then….

Chocolate House is one of my many nickname, before only ex-gf could only use it but if your a nice lady who happens to read or like my blog feel free, Chocolate House loves you too Baby !!!!

She is super cool and as a result I am sending some love and Dark chocolate her way. Check out her page, show her some love, tell her MrMary sent ya

Question for my Female Readership: Why is this Bitch Trying to Kill You ?

I was walking around Manhattan yesterday, a few places actually: Alphabet City, Union Square,  Upper West Side and  I managed to hear some funny conversation but the one theme, the on thing I heard over and over again, irregardless of race, creed, age and sexual orientation was:

THIS BITCH IS TRYING TO KILL ME

It seems that there is one women who lives  to make another woman’s life hell by doing one or all of the following

1. Looks at , talks to, dreams about, has made a fictitious  character in her bullshit self published novel about, YOUR BF
2. She went for the same pair of shoes that You did at the Sneaker king on 14th and Broadway even though her fat ass feet cant fit in them and might as well wear the boxes seeing how big her fucking feet are
3. She Smile at you, but at the last second you recognised that smile was a bit snarky – that cashier at WholeFood does know who she is fucking with.
4. She is alive and breathes and that is enough for you to hate her, imagine the insolence… she pretends like she doesn’t know her breathing and staying alive is’nt killing you
5. She walked into the bar like she owns the place
6. She wore a cardigan over a bullshit outfit, and to top it off her flats clearly were a knock off of some other more popular flats that even you cant afford, but you have the decency not to wear knock off because your mom raised you right
7. She cut in front of you thought technically you left the line to check out  this pair of skinny jeans that looked good from far away but when u went up close you didn’t like the stitching or it looked off with the bedazzling round the pockets and ran back to the line …etc
8. She goes to yoga and is vegan and think she is better than everyone because her colon is cleaner
9. She eat like a trucker and stay skinny
10. She eats like a trucker and looks like it too
11. She scares the guys away whenever you go out even thought she makes you look like a 10 when your normally a 4
12. She wore the same outfit you have
13. Though it hasn’t been proven in a court of law she is a slut  and is moving in on your business

Questions for my Female Readership

While I could go on, why Should I?  Ladies is there really another lady out there ready and willing to destroy you? Is it safe to assume that you are out to destroy another lady ? I have my own theory about this, but can a lady explain why ?

From Vito’s Mouth to God’s Ear.

 

Disclaimer: The views expressed here by the character of Vito Whose name has been changed for his protection are not Necessarily those of MrMary, No offence is meant to any woman in actuality there were females in our crew. Parental and user Discretion is advised

College was a unique time for me I was partly free of the tyranny of the years before but not completely emancipated. I was horrible depressed and angry and unfortunately had a chip on my shoulder. I was always still the nice cool suave MrMary but I needed some help that I would have to wait a few years later to get to deal with things.

One of my best homies in college was this Italian dude named Vito. Aside from being really smart he had a penchant for vulgar jokes and he himself had had a wild and crazy life (he was older than me) he was a real wise guy, a funny joke guy. If you haven’t noticed  by now I love people with a sense of humour and who have had some real life experience, people who can read between the lines, hard-working good people. I dunno if it was his being Italian but he had a way with words and with women that always made me laugh and still makes me laugh till this day. I wanted to share some of the pearls of Wisdom I got from Vito. Quite often some of the things he said were from movies but his timing was always incredible. He made the quotes his own. We reconnected on Facebook recently and I live close to where he works so there will be some gallivanting and rabble-rousing any day now.

Vito On Women

Scenario 1: Two Shots

As he was older than many of us that hung out together we turned to him for advise. There was an unusually good looking chick at our university. See our university was at the time an engineering university with 80%  male students. A lot of the women were from foreign countries and as our mutual friend would say Third World Ugly. She was a 12 by university standards but prolly a 6 everywhere else in life.  She got a lot of attention from everyone, and we were joking that intention she got. I made a prediction that it would all get to her head and she would within 2 years get really really heavy and everyone would ignore her  except this one weirdo Taiwanese kid named Perry who watched porno in class. So Vito said in his Epic Wisdom:

Listen Guys – She’s not all that, and even is she wuz fuck her. Just shoot two down her throat and call it a fucking day, no more no less  no need for all this attention, aside from ya mom and/or sister all women are sluts and they know they want that shit.

Harsh words to be said in the university cafeteria, especially as the president and secretary  and other administrators where right there when Vito uttered his epic words of wisdom. There was a calm moment of an uncomfortable silence. Even the cafeteria staff were bewildered by his prosaic utterances. Then there was laughter and one of the cooks Fabio said “Aint that the truth papa!!”

Scenario 2:  Trust the Gordon’s Fisherman

Somehow as it usually does for guys the conversation drifted towards all things sexual and Vito summed up a lot of stories and experiences with this simple words

The Fisherman’s Rule: If it Smells like fish its a tasty dish, if it smell like cologne leave it alone

Not much more can be said after that.

Scenario 3: Marina the Ukranian

We were a rowdy bunch and of course there were many people who didn’t like us, one of these person was a fellow female student named Marina, I believe she was Ukrainian. Her and a certain statistic teacher were flirting a lot  ( a lot a lot)  in class and he had made some comment about his massive thighs to her in  class and from then on she became known as That “Fucking Slut” – You have to say the whole name like “A Tribe Called Quest”. One day we were walking to the computer lab she bumps into Vito knocks his shit down and does not even say sorry and Vito replies:

That fucking slut, if I had a dog with a face like that I’d shave its ass and make it walks backwards

Everything stopped, the people in the hallway, the people at near the entrance of the computer lab, even Marina. We were all aghast shocked, and wanted to break out into laughter. Ten Seconds later of course there was raucous laughter. Marina and I did become good friends, and she never spoke of her hatred of Vito but it was there.

 

More Vito Stories to Come
Stay Tuned

I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library

- Jorge Luis Borges (my fav writer)

My family had little to no other family here and both my parents worked. When they couldn’t pay for any type of after-school programs I had to take my sister to the central library which was equi-distant between my elementary school and home. Where we were in Brooklyn, was close to the Prospect Park Zoo, The Botanical Gardens and the  Central public Library. Of those three places I spent an eternity at the library. I taught myself so many different things it made it hard to take school serious. I’m an awful student, in that I learn at home on my own, in my own way which means I disrupt the class when I get bored. Later one when I was learning to play guitar I discovered Frank Zappa and in someway someone else who was off and thought like I did.  So here are some Frank Zappa Quotes:

James Joyce, Samuel Beckett, & an Offensive Convo with an Old Classmate

“The problem was you had to keep choosing between one evil or another, and no matter what you chose, they sliced a little bit more off you, until there was nothing left. At the age of 25 most people were finished. A whole god-damned nation of assholes driving automobiles, eating, having babies, doing everything in the worst way possible, like voting for the presidential candidates who reminded them most of themselves. I had no interests. I had no interest in anything. I had no idea how I was going to escape. At least the others had some taste for life. They seemed to understand something that I didn’t understand. Maybe I was lacking. It was possible. I often felt inferior. I just wanted to get away from them. But there was no place to go.”
—Ham on Rye, 1982

_______________________________________________

I love the education I received from my all Boys Catholic Prep, I had some great teachers that recognized my abilities and helped me with advice through some salient moments during that time. I didn’t really fit in with a lot of my fellow students, our words, economic status, methods of linguistic expression, values, colloquial accents were too different. I made three really good friends. I didnt know why I didnt feel comfortable around them.

Now years later I feel it was the stank of mediocrity and security. I felt everyone had their life planned out for them, college marriage good job, or job in the family business. I studied and read because I was curious about the world, and I loved learning. A lot of them even in the honors and advanced classes I was in  they did well but just to make that piece of reality, that trust fund, that promised car more real.  There is no greater love than a love with no purpose. I loved someone like that once and it was a like a category 5 hurricane in life, just loved them not for what they did or looked liked, for no reason.

I did  well in the classes, but it was a handicapped race as I felt, nothing to come home to aside from sadness, hunger and some other stuff. I thought I would share a convo I had with a former classmate i bumped into recently at Penn Station. It’s pretty foul at times, you’ve been warned

_______________________________________________

MrFacelessIncurious: Oh Hey MrMary’s RealName, Holy Shit, haven’t seen ya in like a fucking decade
MrMary: What’s good baby, how are ya ?
MrFacelessIncurious: I’m good man and you
MrMary: Well my prostate isn’t as big a grapefruit, it’s regular sized
MrFacelessIncurious: Wtf ?
MrMary: I just came from my girl-friend house,…..
MrMary: She has this cute slender fingers and no rings
MrFacelessIncurious: You’re fucking crazy still, so you finally got laid fucker?
MrMary: Yeah your moms was great, very motherly she wet-napped me, and made me something to eat
MrFacelessIncurious: STFU Your moms dude banged guys 10 ata time for a dime (old joke)
MrMary: Dude you know I’m black, in between prison and eating fried chicken my gerontic overweight grandma raised me, I never knew my moms

<joint laughter>…… <……here it comes….>
MrFacelessIncurious: You should come hang out a lot of the guys from our class hang
MrMary: <suppressing the need to vomit> Yeah…we should do that
MrFacelessIncurious: Yeah man YOU SHOULD… we play poker, we drink some, watch the game
MrMary: Ah the Game…. yeah the <Random NYC baseballs, basketball, footbal, hockey team>
MrFacelessIncurious: they are not doing so bad …huhn? <prepare to tune out>
Yeah not so bad …blah blahblah….

MrFacelessIncurious: So let’s sit down here and eat something, or have a coffee
MrMary:  Uhm sure, I could use a a drink, I left my flask at work This Moca choca limp-wristed bullshit will have to do

MrFacelessIncurious: Man Obama he is fucking this place up
MrMary: Really? – Yeah I thought it was the stench from the homeless and the current fractured global social structure precipitated by the Cold War.
MrFacelessIncurious: lol ..yeah that too I guess,…. Uhm yeah… Im glad I didn’t vote for him
MrMary: Yeah I dont, vote
MrFacelessIncurious: You don’t vote?
MrMary: Yeah, I don’t, it’s like blowing air into a womans vagina
MrFacelessIncurious: uhm…wtf are you on dude
MrMary: No good can come from blowing air in a womans vagaina
MrFacelessIncurious: uhm explain that  ?
MrMary: Well when air is blown or forced directly into a vagina without lettign it back out into the world an air embolism can form, but you know it rare, and well its proves my theory that blowjobs can kill… esp at Vegas prices
MrFacelessIncurious: I meant the voting ….
MrMary: Oh that’s easier Ahem Incompetent syphilitic leaders are the final product of an incompetent syphilitic society. To vote is really an exisential question wrappped up in a mental and spiritual propholactic latex. It forces you to ask who you are, but you can only answer that according to social/cultural convention which paints a picture of man as beign extremely egregiously limited. You can applaud me now
MrFacelessIncurious: People Died so you can vote
MrMary: I doubt during the civil war the northerns actually liked black people, they felt slavery was wrong but they still dont like us. Also in heavy fire I dont imagine someone saying: “I reckon their will be some coon/negro/darkee/monkey/eggplant boy born August 5 in NYC 200 years from now named MrMary’s real name. I am going have my mortality fatallysodomized by some bullets for him. Plus people died for the right for me to vote.
MrFacelessIncurious: That sounds a bit unpatriotic, and loud man all Dunkin Donuts is listening … chuckles…I don’t know what to tell ya
MrMary: It is as patriotic as older gay men dying from AIDS when Magic Johnson is still opening up Starbucks and Movie theatres. As for our fellow patrons they all can go on Dunkin Deez Nutz…. and no one know what to tell me – that’s why I choose women to date by their finger size, and eat farina in the morning. it’s a lot less talking more and more grimacing

MrFacelessIncurious: yo, take my # down, so we can hang
MrMary: Sure… Here a napkin
MrFacelessIncurious:  Want me to kiss it for you and leave my lip outline on it with my number
MrMary: Your mom taught you well, When I come over I’ll show you the napkin she left me, Her cell starts with 1-646-251 doesn’t it
MrFacelessIncurious:  Go fuck ya self
MrMary: I’m saving it all up for the election day,….. <laughter> you know … that night we will both be at the poles  but I wont be fooling myself, at least not to much at first….gotta ease into it, you’re married must spend a lot of time prodding your inner Protestant
MrFacelessIncurious: Nah I get mines
MrMary: yeah obviously but not from your wife, im guessing yourself and a random moisturizing bar
MrFacelessIncurious: Lol nah …where do you come up with this shit man, your worse than in HS
MrMary: I was married once
MrFacelessIncurious: Oh yeah what happened?
MrMary: I stopped abusing Oxycodon, and realized it wass a dream
MrFacelessIncurious: Seriously ?
MrMary: Nah playboy… I only abuse myself on election day to make a statement before the ‘inspiration’ dries up
MrFacelessIncurious: lol funny bastard…if you don’t care about politics what do you care about
MrMary: it’s not about caring I feel, it’s about doing what I am called to do and taking care of my responsibilities
MrFacelessIncurious: You gonna get all philosophical intellectual on me
MrMary: Im neither, philosophers and Intellectuals dont like fucking, and are quite effete in that realm. Although I would say being able to make your mom recite Joyce (Once upon a time and a very good time it was there was a moocow coming down along the road and this moocow ) that gave me more street cred with the older ladies…shit might go crash a bingo game right now
MrFacelessIncurious: whats up with the mom jokes…
MrMary: I never grew up, still wear tighty whiteys see

MrFacelessIncurious: Dude we’re in public
MrMary: its ok I didnt show the shit streak part.

MrMary: Aight man I got to go, its been real sucka, stay magically delicious laughter, say hi to momma
MrFacelessIncurious: Enjoy that crack pipe and foodstamps
MrMary: gov-ment cheese homey peace
MrFacelessIncurious: peace

Conclusion

I was really happy for MrFacelessIncurious. He is successful, has two girls and is very very fat. I don’t think he can fit into the HS we used to go to. But I feel there will never be nothing new I cannot predict already: diet soon, trying to work out again to fit into one-seater on the train, stop eating red meat, to reduce the high blood pressure, excessive talking and drinking at either Yankee Stadium or the Meadowlands, wife will cut her hair short after their third kid or  in a year and complete her transformation into an amorphous sedentary  protoplasmic dullard. Not that there is anything wrong with that, then again I might just be an asshole today.

On a side note, I didn’t call but we are on facebook now. And I would rather spend that time interacting with you guys, the reader of this blog. If I will continue being honest, I must admit that I tend to use humor, non sequitor, and bad manners to keep certain people at bay lol.  I’m all about being sincerely friendly and sharing laughs/limp-wristed coffee drinks, and have fun.

Side note: I call my fellow classmate MrFacelessIncurious from a  line in a poem by Samuel Beckett a fellow Irishman. Here are the lines

what would I do without this world faceless incurious
where to be lasts but an instant
where every instant spills in the void
the ignorance of having been without
this wave where in the end
body and shadow together are engulfed

Related articles

• My Strange Relationship with Profanity (aspoonfulofsuga.wordpress.com)
• The Problem with MrMary (aspoonfulofsuga.wordpress.com)
• The Consequences of Improper Pronunciation, and the Method Acting Rhinoceros (aspoonfulofsuga.wordpress.com)
• The Bachelor party where I realized I got old (aspoonfulofsuga.wordpress.com)
• A Master Work in Contempt: Work-Study Job and Venereal Disease (aspoonfulofsuga.wordpress.com)
• Getting Techniqued, Jean Baudrillard and Strip Clubs (aspoonfulofsuga.wordpress.com)
• Celebrating Women in the Month of March: HowNotToProposeToAWoman – Particularly Someone you may like (aspoonfulofsuga.wordpress.com)
• PigeonHearts, Christian Gentleman Bullshit, Answering more Questions, I dunno what else to write here (aspoonfulofsuga.wordpress.com)
• Silly stuff at the Gym and yes that’s MrMary (aspoonfulofsuga.wordpress.com)

Thinking out loud for a lil bit

I got this nice comment the other day from Big Sexy, the author of TheSandyTongue. It became the  inspiration for this rambling post. Thanks to all of you who read my non-sense and leave comments. Special shout out to Big Sexy – next time I’m in Florida we’re getting plastered, drinks on me

Although we are from different worlds, I feel we are somewhat kindred spirits. In one post, you spin a hilarious story filled with debauchery laced “fuck yous” to society and in the next post you present the absolute human aspect of your personal experience. I feel I do the same, I enjoy it and I always enjoy your posts. You bring an incredibly profound perspective of real life to these pages and for that I thank you. I’m a sheltered white boy from Florida who grew up with a silver spoon in his mouth and didn’t experience real life until recently. You are my exact opposite and I think that’s why I like you so much.

__________

Hell is yourself and the only redemption is when a person puts himself aside to feel deeply for another person.
Tennessee Williams

Despite being baptized Catholic, getting all those sacrament thingies, and 14 years of a Catholic education I never bought into the whole idea of hell or heaven. To me, perhaps because of the harshness of some experiences in my life, I found meaning in the fact that the ‘now’ is all we have, and what counts is intention with which we approach things.

The only thing that really stirs me in a deeper sense, aside from the annual prostate exam is of course interacting with people beyond the superficial banter and back and forth. My friends and family used to joke and call me the friend of the friendless due to the stray animals I have fed, the homeless people who  I sit with or bring food too, the weird people who always find me on the bus and train, and other’s like this one older middle aged woman who just sat down next to me on a bench in Central Park (it’s right behind my workplace) and was telling me about her divorce and how unhappy she was. Sometimes the greatest thing to do for a person is to sit in silence and let them unburden themselves.

I find that after all those experiences we are all sheltered, we are all encapsulated in the story, or rather what we have perceived of it, of our own life. I have seen that although we communicate more and more through the internet we are ironically enough so very cut off from each other, I see this the most in how men and women get along or interact. We get so wrapped up in trying to be safe and control things more to our liking that we miss out really.

I remember once I was living in a place that is sorta hood but not and I was rushing to get some groceries to cook something for me and my lady at the time and I while in the express lane I offer a tattoo’d crazed looking thug with only a bottle of ketchup to go in front of me. He smile and told me its cool baby, I got out of prison a bit ago and its so amazing just to buy ketchup. He said he has all the time in the world.  I gave him a pound told [fist bump plus pat on the back] and told him I’m glad he came through and wished him the best. It was freeing for both of us in the moment.

I always feel that if we accept the reality of how life is we find that we can really come together  in meaningful ways when necessary, I don’t want to come together when I’m just sweaty out the gym, or using the showers that would be uncomfortable, unless it’s a co-ed shower, ladies  a little stiffness in your muscles wont be so bad  after all the work out warmed you up ( and I am back… I can only be serious for so long.)

Celebrating Women today & for the rest of the Month of March

To day is international Woman’s day and as someone with access to but anatomically without a vagina I want to join in the festivities (‘deep’ within the festivities). This is important to me, especially as someone who loves women,  especially from the back (doggy not skatalogically like the ancient Greeks – unless you don’t mind bad aim and acid trips.) Also the majority of my readers are sexy ladies, and of course they have a special place in my heart, right before I would imagine the sinal atrial nodes coerce the left ventricle to send some blood to my penis, then its more of a special place in this weeks laundry bag but that is besides the point I am making here.

I have been wracking my brain as to how to celebrate women. Last year I bought a big bowl of soup (Pho) and ate it without a spoon. It may sound like an easy task but it wasn’t. I have to shave closely first, then there was this whole business of spelling out letters, side note strawberry flavored lubricant and the star anise in the pho really clashed. But you know been there done that, I am an innovator I’m not about to redo my semantics from a year ago. But I’ve hit a mental road block, now everything is considered sexual harassment and a violation of decency. From what I learned at the sexual harassment ‘workshop’ asking a lady for permission to sniff her seat after she get’s up is inappropriate but also sexual harassment. But turns out that it is not as looked down upon as offering co-workers to smell my seat for the sake of equality.

Normally when I cant think of anything I turn to the internet to get my answers. According to a the follow article. I got a list of 10 things to do to celebrate the fairer sex. I thought I would list , as I am a maverick and innovator, why these suggestions won’t work, for me

_________

Take the day off

I got into a heated fight with the pops today.  Supposedly he didn’t want to take me up on my offer to put him to sleep for an early morning nap. But my mom got exercise as being the family diplomat as I didnt show up to work today. I took the day off but my promotional pugilistic acts would taint, well it would taint a day to celebrate taints.

Give flowers to women

Sounds like a prelude to some Danse Macabre. Also most women wont accept things from a random negro off the Internet. I wouldn’t, well unless it’s a 40 oz and despair, and according to some republicans other peoples hard working money because I don’t contribute anything to society except crime and giving low income housing a bad name.

But hey fuck it, if any of you ladies out there want a flower from a mesomorphically chiseled, 30 year old, bioinformaticist/Grad School adjunct Professor let me know I will send you an actual flower.

Donate money to women’s causes

I’ve been there and done that nothing new. I also support 2 children through the CHildFund International

Protest

One acronym for you NYPD, and I need to work without broken bones and being pepper-sprayed. NYPD is fucking crazy serious, on the real I’ve been living here for 30 years. Shit really goes down, don’t let all the newspapers and Newsweek tell you there is no police brutality.

Wear Red lipstick

Rainbow Party Anyone ?!?!?! (I just learned this word today)

Believe it or not, I have worn red lip stick but for me and most men its an below the waist kind of adornment, and if I were to have it applied the same way it wouldnt be celebrating women so much as my own self indulgence and articulation of my moral skulduggery,

Stand on a bridge ( this will involve some urban NYC slang and possible allusion to the N word)

If niccaz hanging on the corner get picked and locked up, what will happen to niccaaz on a bridge? I imagine they would get hung up for practicality.I’ve seen that movie already.

Check out some art

I blowdry my whole body in front of the mirror to save trees, sorta like hot air dryers in public bathroom do.  Unfortunately it hasn’t sunken in that cottons doesn’t grow from trees, just from hopelessness and exploitation…but it suffice it to say every morning I get my art-on, on.

Eat a cupcake

Yes I will eat a cupcake, I don’t know if this is a oral sex reference or jsut simply there is understated rule that eating a cupcake frees women from oppression in war torn countries in Africa,Latin America, the Middle East.

Defeat sexual harassment

Being a christian gentleman and leading by example is how I defeat and fight sexual harassment. I also watch Oxygen and We. I let women who make more than me take me to dinner, and I put out no matter how stupid what they say is.

Look back — and forward

I am against this you have to look side to side to cross the street. People can really get hurt especially in the UK where U have to sit on the handbrake to drive on the other side of the road.

The Solution

I will write random post celebrating women through the month of March.  I will talk about the most disparate things celebrating women, what not to do, what to do, what to pretend that you cant do, what to pretend you can etc. But before I get into all of that here are some female bloggers who I am happy blog, and  who I am happy to read. They so happen to be hot/cute/alluring/funny/nice/ and tolerate my bullshit and stupid remarks…..  So Thanks to you all

http://christineestima.wordpress.com/
http://howtodateboys.wordpress.com/
http://pigeonheartponderings.wordpress.com/
http://lostnchina.wordpress.com/
http://groundingmyroots.wordpress.com (my chinese lil sis , so come correct)
http://lifeinthefarcelane.wordpress.com/
http://huxiling.wordpress.com/
http://lisasummerlin.wordpress.com/
http://ashleyjillian.com/
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Ham-Fisted Gynos & My Valentine’s Date With MySecretCrushForTwoWeeks

“I loved you like a man loves a woman he never touches, only writes to, keeps little photographs of.”
― Charles Bukowski, Love is a Dog from Hell
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Waking up this morning was unusually pleasurable despite the core-muscle tightness and fatigue for only sleeping 3 hours and change. It wasn’t until, a few moments later, when receiving a happy return text, that the images from the night before inundated my mind with scenes of dancing, drinking, laughter, and being in a harness – all the tell-tale signs of a fun first date. [The above quote made me chuckle thought back on all previous posts exchanged and the salacious writing and comments I made over the few weeks, its been surreal to say the least]

The Preparation

I started Tuesday morning like I do most mornings since being single again, with lotion, but this morning was different in that I waited till after I showered. (The winter really dries out my skin.) Two days before I had my barber set me up with my normal date look, which is a fade, goatee, which with the addition of my old-school throwback to browline glasses give me an air of looking distinguished and being sophisticated. Normally being so sexy I tend to down play my good looks (you know, to give other guys a chance), I let the beard grow in a bit shave my head, and look for all intents and purposes scruffy, aloof and resigned to the fate of wanton intemperance. But today was different. I went over my simple plan in my head as I rummage through my stuff for my Armani Acqua de Gio cologne (pulling out all stops). I based the night on a few things Ive written on the blog. We started off with a nice cool sushi place, then indoor rock climbing (That’s actually for once not a dirty joke, actually indoor rock climbing), drinks, dancing and a good night kiss. After reading about the many awful dates mysecretcrush had been on, I felt it only fair to show her a good time. Plus I couldn’t live down reading a blog post about a bad date and 200 Words in discovering it was our date, so I blew the dust off and brought out my A game.

Her Face

We met around 7:30 outside Morimoto the happening bad-ass sushi place in Chelsea. I planned all our activities to be in Chelsea as her hotel was there. Never more than 7-10 minutes away from anything by cab.

Can you imagine this face kicked up a few notches, and upgraded?

Normally one cannot be sure of how hot one date is from picture, one has to see in person. Although from the pictures exchanged, she clearly had the looks that made erection concealing difficult (side note: I will tell you how I solved this issue in another post) I was still a lil nervous. Of course, when she stepped out of the taxi she proved to be even more attractive than her pictures depicted which was of course almost unfair. She looked like a more down to earth Olivia Wilde, and unlike Ms. Wilde she is light and graceful on her feet as she has never had to deal with the after effects of coke bloat and bulimia. Ultimately she had the kind of face I wouldn’t mind embarrassing myself on the dance floor for, which I ultimately did.

Sushi

My first time eating sushi, kind of reminded me of my first time eating sushi. Obviously, I was man enough to let the lady take the lead and direct me on what to sample and how to sample it. It took a lot of the pressure off to have someone so experienced, . Given the setting and my ability to make a joke out of anything, there was a lot of laughter and witty banter, the usual flirtatious glances, the attempts at not being so obvious when checking each other out. MySecretCrush kept up with me and almost showed me up a couple of times, it created a nice sort of tension that made our next pit stop even more fun.

Indoor Rock Climbing at Chelsea Piers

Seriously Who the fuck Designed this? Some misandrogynistic lady I am assuming! If I am ever sterile I know why

The lovely thing about eating sushi, is that though your tongue maybe numb, it doesn’t bear down heavily on you afterwards (sorry had to laugh). In our prior conversation, I had made a joke involving the stirrups in the gynecologist office and being in a harness indoor rock climbing (sorry that joke is too profane for your ears). Ms. Thang knowing that I couldn’t back down from a dare from a pretty lady dared me to put my money where my mouth is and challenged me to indoor rock climbing. After a quick trip to her hotel for her to change (I changed there) there we were climbing a wall for novices. The closest I’ve come to climbing anything is stepping over the occasional drunk/homeless person late night at Penn Station. It seems outside of NYC there are things called trees and people climb them for fun? She climbed the wall rather quickly, I really think she was bitten by a radio active spider unknowingly at some point her life.

She can trash talk like a 1990′s Michael Jordan era NY Knick fan, that was unbelievably sexy. Luckily for me she gently stroked my ego by calling me a Loser at key moments through the night. Ironically its usually me rubbing it in, but it wasnt so bad this time being on the receiving end.

Finishing off the Night

This Image wow, It hurts everyone really

There was drinking and dancing at the Bowery ballroom, periodic reminders of my utter failure climbing rocks, and raucous laughter, and a goodnight kiss. I haven’t been on a date, or at least one I really pulled out all stops for since 2003. I had a fun time and it was all worth it even though my crotch hurts from the harness and today I’m walking around like I’ve been riding horses since childhood, or like I just came off the stirrups at ham-fisted gyno’s office.

We both had a good time, read her version of the night that transpired.

PriorSecretCrushPosts

• Frozen vegetables, My SecretCrushforTwoWeeks (aspoonfulofsuga.wordpress.com)
• Bluebird – Charles Bukowski (pdalbury.wordpress.com)
• French Lesson, Lip Pursing, and Impressing my Secret Crush (aspoonfulofsuga.wordpress.com)
• Birthday Card Money, Ancient Greece, A True Story & my new 2 Week Crush (aspoonfulofsuga.wordpress.com)

• Chemistry, Mops, Parkinson and the Upcoming date with my SecretCrush

• Answering your questions: Why For Two Weeks

How to Live with yourself when the Shoe is On the Other Foot

I am an undercover spy, however I am in a league of my own. What do I mean by this. Well for starters I am first generation here in America my family is from a place with a lot of minorities, though on my delusional players card, I am from ‘ya momma’s house’ . I am a statistical anomaly. I in habit many  level of  socio-economical/political/ other strata. This allows me a perspicacious look at both  London, France and America’s underpants and  culture.

I have discovered two things, one of which I will talk about. Namely

1.  Racism didn’t seemingly disappear when Obama was elected President. I was as surprised as you are
2.  People are very forgetful that others have been in similar situations than them and come out fine.

Shoes on the other Foot

Because people were filmed meditating at Occupy Wall Street it was labeled a spiritual movement. In the same way if I am filmed taking a dump in someone’s salad I must be in the bathroom not on their dinner table. I noticed that initially a lot of the outraged that sparked the OWS movement was sparked not out of a care for our fellow human beings. It seemed that the  ”middle class” only gets up in arms when its own interests are threatened and forgets about  the rest of the time when the truly poor remain so.

I think we have all been aware of the currption in government for a long time. We all agree politicians are liars and don’t put much faith in them. We have stopped believing in the reality of what they say yet we continue onward  not too concerned, until our interests are threatened. This goes not just for OWS but many things

New Article: Twin Boys, One Transgender, Become Brother and Sister

Their parents, Wayne and Kelly Maines, said they brought their transgender daughter into the spotlight in the hopes that their story might shed light on the struggle of others.

“We sat down with our kids at the breakfast table when they were 9 and talked about fear, hate, evil and freedom of speech before sending them to school,” their father, Wayne Maines, 52, wrote in an email to ABCNews.com.

My father and mother told me that speech from day one and still do not because I am transgendered, but because I of my ‘revitaligo’ – medical condition where every year I get darker and darker. If you looked at my picture from the 80′s to now you would think you were shopping for the right shade of darkness at Home Depot. Coincidentally  my autobiography will be call from Egg White to Black Hawk Down

Putting Sugar on Hold

I’m not trying to take away from this family’s struggle. I want to point to a trend that we are are quite self absorbed in our own drama  and it takes sometimes a calamity to make us look at whats going on.  We are really deaf to the suffering of our neighbor. we really don’t care, which is why when the save the Children Commercials comes on they show  us such shocking and horrific images.  Many terrorists who we are at war with got followers through giving food and medical attention to the poor.

That says a lot doesn’t it ?

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Question: How to Live with yourself when the Shoe is On the Other Foot ?

Answer: Educate yourself on the plight of others  beyond the bowdlerised/ intellectually sanitized drivel  given to you by the media and your university. Go out read investigate talk to people.