A lot of you liked the Overthinking it Cartoon post or found it interesting. So I posted this as a follow up
Enjoy
MrMary
BONUS
Another beer commercial with nothing to do with anything.
Tag Archives: Funny
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Something to Make You Chuckle Late Night
How MrMary Learned how NOT to approach women
Being an older brother to a younger sister I was taught the value of respecting and treating women correctly, and so far that training has come in handy. I keep the lights off and don’t ask about whether they should be on. However there was an odd occurrence which happened on rainy day at the Franklin Ave 2,3 and 4,5 train station in Brooklyn.
Those days, I was very angry. I thought working out with a bunch of other guys who were bitter and malcontent would help reduce it and it did. We worked out and talked a lot of shit. We also drank at school. Vodka and bench pressing in retrospect do not make much sense but I guess we were young and stupid. We were an odd mix of chemists, electrical, biomedical and computer science majors with huge chips on our shoulders. So for 5 days a week 2-3 hours a day, we lifted together, had lunch together, talked massive amounts of shit together. I went from 185lbs to 245lbs which for a guy 5’9 was crazy.
As one of my female friend at the time said, it looked like we went to jail to work out. One of my work out buddies told me actually that I reminded him of his dog (a pit bull rottweiler mix). His dog was so angry and aggressive they couldn’t even bring a bitch in heat into his enclosure just to throw him a bone, uhm figuratively.
The most Uncomfortable Train Ride Ever
As typical one hot humid NYC summer day changed to one filled with angry thunderstorms. I didn’t have an umbrella and got thoroughly soaked. While waiting for a connecting train at the station in question, a guy with a lisp came up to me and asked me for the time. I told him and then he asked me a bunch of bullshit questions to which out of politeness I answered. I didn’t suspect anything at the time until he asked me if I lived around the neighbourhood. Maybe he could call me sometime. I was shocked and confused. First off what about me said I was gay. OK yes the shirt was tight and it clung to me like a second skin because I got caught in the rain but seeing as how I had this love affair with the female body and the ladies, I couldn’t see why he had approached me. Then all of a sudden I realized he didn’t want the time, he wanted me. I was being hit on. (That Brown Suga, can’t fuck wid it)
It was flattering. In my head I was like yeah man all those super-sets and drop sets really paid off, but in a sort of nasty way. I am by no means a homophobe if your idea of fun is an all The-Dick-You-Can-Eat buffet, then by all means dive in, go balls deep. I just personally felt highly uncomfortable. Luckily my train came before things could get more awkward. I didn’t answer and walked on the train. Unfortunately he walked on too. It was highly uncomfortable being oggled like meat flavoured candy for the 3-4 stops. The repeated attempts at eye contact was annoying as was his trying to signal me. I wanted to vomit. This was the most uncomfortable train ride ever especially if you throw into the mix the lewd tongue and hand gesture he made to me, right before I left one station before my stop.
This was even worse than being stuck in the train cart with the flatulent homeless guy sleeping five feet away.
Results
Full Irish Breakfast Figuratively
I walked home a bit paranoid clenching all the way for my own safety and protection. I felt like a sombre youth walking the streets on a hot summer day of Ancient Greece, with all the wrong people trying to cheer me up with promises of freshly squeezed juice and a few oily olives – the Greek Breakfast as it is known in county (jail) after lights out. [While I'm glad the Irish & English breakfast has surpassed the Greek breakfast in popularity blood sausage and white pudding aren’t much of an improvement] From that day on I always remembered my umbrella.
I learned some valuable tips on how not to approach women from this uncomfortable incident. When I got home that day I immediately saw flashing before my eyes all the times I had seen ladies put up with the horrible pick up lines delivered, the uncomfortable and creepy come-ons, stalking and cat-calls. I gained a lot of respect for women that day, having to put up with all that.
More To Be Said Later
MrMary
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3 Crazy Images to Get You Giggling
Debunking a Popular Myth: The Truth Will Set You Free and also Pirate whores
The Truth Will Set You Free
I Call Bullshit
I have often heard this. Initially this quote came from the Bible, however I am talking about its common secular (non-biblical) use. I don’t think anyone would benefit if I commented on the bible even in jest. The first question I have is ‘who’s fucking truth?‘ My truth is that women who dress up as pirates are about the easiest girls around, easier than jersey girls. That’s my truth, experientially, and so far it hasn’t set anyone free. Well to be honest I had a hand in their being set free on their journey down the drain the shower.
The next questions I have is what will I be freed from? Am I naturally imprisoned ? Was I born into a truthless state of affairs? If it possible to be born into a truthless state of affairs can I be sure that I can ever leave that state? Telling the truth didn’t set Magic Johnson free from AIDS. It really just made him a better businessman. He is building theaters everywhere, doing commercials for AIDS, making stupid commentary for unimportant basketball games at the Olympics and selling off his stock in Starbucks. I guess he finally tried to bought a $15.00 latte after waiting being 3 people with the most ridiculous orders one it made him think about not taking his meds for a while)
- Venti 1 pump caramel, 1 pump white mocha, 2 scoops vanilla bean powder, extra ice frappuchino with 2 shots poured over the top (apagotto style) with caramel drizzle under and on top of the whipped cream, double cupped.
- Tall iced coffee in a grande cup with extra ice, 3 pumps hazelnut, 2 pumps classic, an inch of non-fat milk, with a dome lid and a venti straw.
- Triple Venti Sugar free, Non fat, No foam, extra caramel, with whip caramel macchiato. Then pour regular coffee down the side with 2 packs of raw sugar and a stir stick on the side.
One way You can be set free
Telling the truth can land you in prison and forced non consensual anal rape is definitely not a part of being free.
Political Activist assassinated Steve Biko
How was he set free:
Steve Biko was an anti-apartheid activist in South Africa in the 1960s and 1970s. Biko was arrested at a police roadblock under the Terrorism Act No 83 of 1967 and interrogated by officers of the Port Elizabeth security police including Harold Snyman and Gideon Nieuwoudt. This interrogation took place in the Police Room 619. The interrogation lasted twenty-two hours and included torture and beatings resulting in a coma. He suffered a major head injury while in police custody, and was chained to a window grille for a day. On 11 September 1977, police loaded him in the back of a Land Rover, naked and restrained in manacles, and began the 1100 km drive to Pretoria to take him to a prison with hospital facilities. He was nearly dead owing to the previous injuries. He died shortly after arrival at the Pretoria prison, on 12 September. The police claimed his death was the result of an extended hunger strike, but an autopsy revealed multiple bruises and abrasions and that he ultimately succumbed to a brain hemorrhage from the massive injuries to the head, which many saw as strong evidence that he had been brutally clubbed by his captors.
Conclusions
The truth is ultimately relative, some people might find pirate whores to actually actually classy ladies with a lot to add to a conversations on Proust and French symbolist poets (probably because they all had herpes in common) Even if there is absolute truth how could one articulate it to someone? Truth doesn’t set you free, it either gets you killed or makes you engaged in a forced morning shower expectoration. All pedantic joking aside, quite often I see this quote used in terms of describing deep ontological/Metaphysical questioning or religio-mystical practice. When viewed in a more quotidian way this quote falls apart. I have no idea about any ontological/metaphysical/ mystical questions. Until there is a clear definitive experience in all honesty I have no idea what “truth” or “freedom” is beyond my own limited experience:
“man is the measure of all things, of those that are in so far as they are, and those that are not in so far as they are not”
Protagoras
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Would you go to this $25 million Museum exhibit
As a high-school senior I wrote an essay and won the opportunity to be a volunteer in the education department in the Metropolitian Museum of Art. It was the coolest experiences of my life. I love museums. I would go when I wasn’t working and sketch and just sit there and stare at the Monet and Manet, Degas paintings upstairs on the second floor. Suffice it to say that I developed a like for artistic expression of all sorts and things of antiquity.
But all that went out the window today when I read:
Rolling Stones would be paid $25 million for 2 shows in Brooklyn,
2 shows in London
If you have been to the movies at all in the past decade you will know that there are somethings from the past that should stay buried, and if brought to the light of the present day will infect humanity with a plague as devasting physically as it is spiritually.
Rock Stars
when I think of rock stars these are the works that come to mind
_______________________
Syphilitic
Bloated
Haggardly
Venereal Disease
Boorish
Erectile Dysfunction
Out of Wedlock
Gerontic
Worn
Foppish
The Who, What, Why, Where How
After Brooklyn native Jay-Z plays three shows in September, followed by Smashing Pumpkins and Barbra Streisand in October, the Barclays Center will welcome the British: The Rolling Stones are heavily rumored to be playing two shows in November. Good thing liquor license was secured!
A source tells Billboard the gigs will be part of a 50th anniversary tour, with two shows at the O2 Arena in London and two at the Barclays Center: “Richard Branson and Australian promoter Paul Dainty will promote, and the source says the Stones will be paid $25 million for the four shows.”
My Warning to Humanity
There is an ancient evil lurking about that seeks a venue into the lives of modern man that while horrible corrupt him and reduce each one of us to a war mongering,despotic animal that cares only for food sex and the feeling of pleasant release after defocation.
Uhm actually that happened already during the Bush Administration who is going to go see the Stones ?
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Being a bit silly: Keeping George Zimmerman Away from African Royalty
My day of birth isn’t too far from the British Enlightened Despot just who wont die, so I feel that I should warn her. Yes I am talking about the Queen of England, you may have heard of her. She is rich and has a chauffeured Bentley. But she made the mistake the other day of taking the wheel of her car and a driving a Range Rover with a hoodie on.
If I had saw her cruising down Queens Blvd I would have immediately alerted the police: Old woman who clearly displays the signs of Alzheimer’s or maybe an old women who has used her imposing oldness to steal a car is taking a joy ride because it just may be the last time she might ever do so. She also may be high on a dangerous cocktail of shortbread cookies and heroin. But even if all that were true she would have nothing to fear from George Zimmerman even if she was eating skittles and listening (with the bass cranked up high) to the bombastic Jay-Z ft. DMX song: Money, Cash, Hoes.
Being a Bit Silly
Obviously I am being a bit silly. No one would ever pull a Queen over, unless there was a fight outside a gay club or you’re Eddie Murphy or a tranny drag 80′s lip synching place. Everyone will recognize this shriveled up person as old as time itself all over the world and she of course, has a security detail. But I thought to myself if there was a black queen how would it look? I don’t mean Mary J Blige, the Queen of R&B and Hip Hop, or Oprah who is the Queen of, well I wont say it. I’m talking about actually African royalty. Screw the Queen what does African Royalty look like ?
Quick Note: I picked African Royalty because I could not think of an Latin-American King (other than this member of the Latino Kings gang I came across one day). Also the royalty indigenous to some middle eastern countries are very different because of the vast reserves of oil they sit atop. I didn’t use an example of Asian royalty because well I am big fan of the Ming Dynasty, “one of the greatest eras of orderly government and social stability in human history” and would be quite biased. Since I know nothing about Africa it was my best choice.
Is There any Actual African Royalty Left ?
This was a difficult task to find an African Queen, imperialism and colonialism kind of fucked with things but thanks to Google I lucked out with Princess Sikhanyiso of Swaziland. (Yea she isnt a queen but she will serve my purposes nicely for this blog post) What can be said about her royal highness princess of the “Swaz”.
Tale of the Tape
- She’s an actress
- She’s a rapper
- She’s an Evangelist
- She’s a Rebel
- She’s listed on Forbes 2008 “Hottest young royals.”
__________________
Spinning the Truth
I wonder again if she was wearing a hoodie and driving a range rover would she be pulled over by cops, or shot by another would-be George Zimmerman. I also wonder if she is she was pulled over and subsequently told the cops she is a princess from Swaziland how badly would they beat or assault her. (By the way you may not know it but black Women are beat down by the police too check the side note section below). Here is how it would look like in the news:
BREAKING NEWS : A few nights in a VIP suite in the trendiest of Las Vegas hotels? Thousands of dollars. A few minutes of video showing Princess Sikhanyiso romping naked in that VIP suite? You got it—priceless. Video footage featuring the rowdy royal in the buff—let alone engaging in sexual activity—could fetch millions, according to Vivid Entertainment founder Steven Hirsch, who has both fielded more than a few offers to buy amateur movies featuring, er, big-time talent and offered big bucks to celebs to appear in Vivid films. But as if that wasn’t bad enough, more bad news is headed for the royal family as just weeks after the Vegas incident. Princess Sikhanyiso was arrested by the NYPD for what seemed like DIU. We will keep you abreast of up to the minute developments as this story progresses.
_________________
Princess and Father at some party. Columbia University anthropologist are studying this picture to try to gather clues about the state mind when she entered the USA.
UPDATE: Princess Sikhanyiso has found herself in more hot water, nude photos of her nude have been leaked online. This may further hurt her reputation after the DUI arrest.
_________________
UPDATE: Mayor Bloomberg has issued the following statement: “This is a very tense and sensitive diplomatic affair; know that my office, and the NYPD and its civil servants are treating this case with the appropriate respect and sensitivity for the family of the police officers involved. At this time no official statements have been issued by any party, concerning the police officers who were injured during the DUI arrest and subsequent altercation that took place.”
_________________
Beat so bad she looks like a whole other person although black people all look alike.
UPDATE: New evidence has surface that the Princess Sikhanyiso fit the description of a dangerous drug addict who has been terrorizing NYC with violent and lewd acts. Based on an uncanny resemblence to a black women somewhere between 4’11 and 7’2 weight anywhere from 100 -300 lbs, the police officers made every effort to follow protocol for the apprehension of dangerous individuals. They approached the vehicle with caution. Upon hearing from the Princess (still in ICU) that she was in fact a princess as she was reaching for the glove department, police officers proceeded to rip her from the car and beat her down. Her security team is being held for questioning concerning some drugs and or some foul-play involved. Until further evidence is released rumors of a NYPD cover up is being scoffed at and ignored.
_________________
UPDATE: Princess was photographed walking out of the hospital on her own accord. She is still silent about the events which transpired on the night of her DUI. The NYPD is still silent on allegation of racial profiling and use of excessive force. Officers involved in the altercation have not been placed on probation. No disciplinary measures have been taken. Reports are in that they still haven’t looked up Swaziland on Google to find out where it is. They still hold on to their believe that Swaziland is the ‘street’ name of a series of public housing complexes in Northern NJ where the most abrasive and violent of drug users frequent.
Closing Thoughts
Did you see what I did there? I took basically one article and replaced Prince Harry with Princess Sikhanyiso. I took your typical celebrity “leaked” nude article. A typical response by the NYPD (well to me) to allegations of police brutality and violence and the typical post scandal drivel you read or hear about. Anyways I don’t want to say too much about this, it was fun writing this.
Side note
This was taken from the blog Womanist Musing in particular a post entitled:Black Women Get Beat By The Police Too . It was posted in 2009 but is still relevant:
When we think of police violence we think of black men however, black women are routinely beaten and attacked when they are forced to interact with the justice department. When Kathryn Johnston was sitting peacefully in her home and the police stormed in with a trumped up no knock warrant it cost her, her life. This 92 year old grandmother died from 6 bullets.
Dymond Millburn was in her own backyard when undercover officers supposedly confused her with a white prostitute and physically assaulted her. Their confusion was justified because she happened to be wearing short shorts at the time of the incident. In defending themselves they attempted to slut shame her and many participated convinced in their belief that all black women are deserving of such treatment.
Duanna Johnson was sitting in an airport minding her own business when she was physically assaulted by two white police officers. They struck her repeatedly in the head and referred to as a he/she and it. Before she was murdered she filed a lawsuit against the Memphis PD that resulted in two of their officers being fired.
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Illogical Thoughts/things that make perfect sense # 3 Children are our Future
I hear so much talk lately about how things are so unbelievable messed up: the American dream started off nicely but is really a nightmare as evidenced by the midlife crisis. No one since Rod Stewart is named ‘Rod’ anymore. The economy globally just like the environment is rapidly deteriorating like Courtney Love during a long interview. All hope rests on our children but they are the Future.
and SO Then ……..
What about :
Yeah that right call this my Exhibit A: child Soldiers, Hitler youth, and A young inner city gang member ? Exhibit B is poor hungry children but that’s too depressing to post. Exhibit C is the growing population of kids on Ritalin, anti-depressants, not to mention autistic kids. Then there are the kids playing World of Warcraft with pale anemic skin, pimples and stinking of tissue and man-juice.
Question:
Where are all these kids who are untainted by social ills ? It takes a village to raise a child, but these villages draw from water from reserves tainted with fraking chemical, prescription medication and years worth of bullshit. They come from fucked up public schools, they all have for the most part overworked parents too tired to reign them in. So how are they the future?
Plus like George Carlin says by the time the future is here the children are no longer children.
But I can Understand it, it makes Perfect Sense
In America there is this saying, all you need is a dollar and dream. And you do because you can come from nothing and make it big. But the real reason all you need is a dollar and a dream is because it’s common practice to pass the buck off to the next person so you can be blissfully unaware in your little feces saturated bubble of quiet despair.
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My War On Intimacy !!! -Official Speech and Promo
Transcript to my War on Intimacy Speech
(cut out the bullshit Introductions and thanks)
Our nation is engaged in a war that is being fought on many fronts, and one of the unfortunate ramifications has been that this war has spread to all corners of the Globe. This war is going to take many turns. And the enemy must be defeated on every battlefield. A clear strategy begins with a clear understanding of the enemy we face.
The enemy is intimacy. Domestic Violence, rape, crimes against the state, plotting acts of terrorism , child abuse, watching V.I.P late at night (that show with spies and Pamela Anderson) … the one thing all these things I have listed have in common is that they occur in the intimacy of a place where hidden or not. If we wage war on Intimacy there people who commit such heinous crimes will no longer be able to hide in intimate private settings. If there is no intimate settings would Catholic Priest be able to sack tickle so many kids ? Without intimate settings where would gay men find time to be rod-ramming each other with the happy sassy gesture they are known for?
I have found and some scientific studies have shown that if you make people unavailable to themselves they will never be available to do other stuff. I take this time to repeat again: “A clear strategy begins with a clear understanding of the enemy we face.” My plan is simply to make intimacy feel awkward and uncomfortable, and then to make people feel estranged from themselves. When after doing this no such a thing like intimacy and intimate settings then I will rid most of the world of violent crimes.
Democracy means rule by the people, but for a select few people to rule other people they have to be out in the open. Let expose the citizen of the world to the light of reason, they have been hiding from the truth in their self imposed intimate settings !!!.
[APPLAUSE]
I Showed You What these Guns can do in the Gym
Now See what They’ll do in Combat
This Summer, The Greatest Patriot of His Generation Declares War on Intimacy
Who’s Side are YOU on ?
For More on the War on Intimacy see this.
My Riposte to 50 Shades of Grey book
I have seen many women lately reading the Book 50 Shades of Grey. A lot of these women wear very well behind their daytime facade of business women, secretaries, nurses , CEO’s is the same expression. What’s that expression MrMary’s name you ask. Well mes amis, I read a study a while ago that said that 60 to 70% of human communication is done through body language and all these women have this look that reminds me of the Ancient Babylonian epic of Gilgamesh, in particular the taming of the forest dwelling wild man Enkidu through sexual intercourse with a women name Shamhat. Here is an excerpt.
I am thy field plough me
I am thy wet place farm me
Like the apple my cunt is sweet
Like the date my cunt is sweet
Like honey my cunt is sweet
Like lettuce my cunt is sweet
Come eat me beloved
Eat up my fruits
My fruits are full of allure
My beloved man of my heart
My charms are sweeter than the gardens fruit fruits are sweet but my fruit
sare sweeter still
This btw is not my translation. It’s the quickest one I could find online, all my books are in storage. According to memory the word cunt wasnt used. For quotes and references I have to rely on memory for quotes and Google searches to substantiate the searches. The epic of Gilgamesh is really very interesting to me I wont go into the symbolic interpretation because I am guessing no one comes to this site to hear that kind of stuff.
But Anyways
(from Wikipedia)
Fifty Shades of Grey is a 2011 erotic novel by British author E. L. James. Set largely in Seattle, it is the first installment in a trilogy that traces the deepening relationship between a college graduate, Anastasia Steele, and a young business magnate, Christian Grey. It is notable for its explicitly erotic scenes featuring elements of BDSM. The second and third volumes are titled Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed, respectively. Fifty Shades of Grey has topped best-seller lists in the US, the UK and around the world. The series has sold around ten million copies worldwide, with book rights having been sold in 37 countries, and set the record as the fastest-selling paperback of all time surpassing the Harry Potter series.
This books was spawned from the diabolic Twilight series, which speaks volumes. I thought to myself I owe lots of money for graduate school and I sleep on a couch why not start my own book that fights the nonsensical overly emotional drivel with my own version of nonsensical overly emotional drivel. After that thought and some great beer from Quebec I give you:
50 Stains of Grey
Boredom, Escapism and Mental Prophylaxis
About the 50 Stains
Like %0 sahdes of grey was grew out of the mental cacophony that is twilight this book grew out of Celine’s Journey to the End of the night in particular these quotes:
“In the kitchens of love, after all, vice is like the pepper in a good sauce; it brings out the flavor, it’s indispensable.”
― Louis-Ferdinand Céline,
“Love is like liquor, the drunker and more impotent you are, the stronger and smarter you think yourself and the surer you are of your rights.”
― Louis-Ferdinand Céline,
“In my room I’d barely closed my eyes when the blonde from the movie house came along and sang her whole song of sorrow just for me. I helped her put me to sleep, so to speak, and succeeded pretty well… I wasn’t entirely alone… It’s not possible to sleep alone…”
― Louis-Ferdinand Céline,
It will be a series of short stories that are all connected and illumined by a singular theme.
Stay tuned You wont want to miss this
MrMary
Creating a new Holiday for 2159: An Unusual Memorial Day Reflection
First off, when I was a kid violence at high school with heavy minority population was quite normal. No one was surprised when inner city school started installing metal detectors on campus. Of course this trend was stolen from the minorities and made mainstream with the horrific Columbine HighSchool Massacre.
Rock and Roll the quintessential American genre of music emerged as a defined musical style in the early to mid 1950s. It derived most directly from the rhythm and blues music of the 1940′s – Rhythm and Blues in case you didn’t know is a genre of popular African-American music that originated in the 1940. The basic pattern here is:
- Minorities in the US do and have been doing something for a long time in their communities (e.g lets say a certain type of music )
- What every they are doing gets derided and looked down upon (I believe the term for Ray Charles Music was Jungle music, same applied to Hip-HopRap)
- Someone realizes it can be repackage and gussied up a little bit and then sold to make some money
- They everyone forgets in time where stuff started and no credit is forth coming to the Original minority communities where the trend in Question Start
Where this trend began
Through some careful work while hung over I have traced this trend to about one hundred and forty seven years ago. Tis trend started on May 1, 1865 in Charleston, SC, after a group of African-Americans, mostly former slaves, gave 257 Union soldiers a proper burial. The black community in Charleston then consecrated the new cemetary with “an unforgettable parade of 10,000 people,” led by 3,000 black school children. It was initially called “Decoration Day.”
One thing let to another and of course today I have a day off. I’m sitting at my desk in my old most comfortable boxers with the holes in them. My bits and pieces are all hanging out kind of like the fruit on the shelves of your grocery story. It Memorial Day, the one day of the year we remember our Fallen soldiers who died to give me this freedom to BBQ and drink watered down American beer with impunity. I am not going to bullshit you I’m mean we are enjoying each other’s company even though all my snackage is out to the sounds of Elton John’s Tiny Dancer playing in the background- which is the clearest sign of friendship, not the Elton John song though man meat and Elton have a lot in Common (thats his call name)
The Source of My Mixed Feelings
Well you see America Has been at War for 209 years, which of the Wars were fought for my freedom, let’s see :
Did notice how the concept of war changed? There are no wars after Vietnam. The outcry was so bad against Vietnam so many people against it that it was decided to use the world Operation. A War is a drawn out campaign an Operation is quick and easy an impersonal and there is no need to examine our ideology or change it. Smart move. I don’t think Vietnam declared war on the US, Vietnam beign a former french colony was at war with the french who they decisive beat at the battle of Dien Bien Phu the US sort of jumped in, huge amount resources at stake, namely rubber.
Of course this list is incomplete. As a Haitian American I wonder if I should honor those soldiers who took over Haiti in my grand parent and great grandparents generation and committed many crimes and atrocities against the people. I also wonder if I should celebrate the US War Industrial Complex that has armed death squads in Latin America, who trained Bin Laden, Who armed many of the Guerilla faction in Afghanistan to fight the Soviets and then Left them without infrastructure direction or food. Do you see my confusion? and on top of that I am the greatest patriot of my generation
A lot of the conflicts we seem to be involved in don’t seem to really be to answer direct threats to the American People more so they seem to pander and cater to both American style imperialism and Neo-Colonialism.
The Solution
The Most American thing to do in time of deep reflection is to BBQ. I do not have a back yard, or meat to BBQ unless a pretty girl wants to slowly let of a handful of Peppermint Altoids dissolve away in her mouth before hand – well you can’t blame me what man wouldn’t like a dry rub, slow marination, and slow hot heat 
.
I am going to start a new trend that 147 years from now may develop into another day off for my future descendants. I need to start off with some facet of the USA daily life that is a bit unfair that involves minorities …. got it: The Stop and Frisk. On a random day in August I will stop and frisk a rather good looking woman of a race different from mine. There is a lot of bravery involved in doing so because I will go for it only armed with charmed and enough money in my wallet for two subway rides. Yes my dears I will be going in (both literally and figuratively) without having to pay for dinner first or gifts, the same enthusiasm that cops stop and frisk black and latinos, because the thrill of possibly violating constitutional rights is frankly fun. This small act a hundred or so years from now will give us the Interracial Tolerance Day. On this day we honor inter-racial couples all over the US by frisking members of the opposite sex of a race other than our own. If all goes to plan there will be no need for meat (it may already be in your mouth), gathering in the backyard (unless you’re both exhibitionists) and who cares about sides when you’re already working on a mouthful ? Everyone will forget the original discriminatory act that polarized the reaction to stop and frisk and all will be right with the world.
Whorehouses, A twist of Fate, Being a Professor, and the Drawings of Toulouse Lautrec
By an odd twist of fate I was teaching this semester in the same room that I took my first college level biology class. It was the last class of the semester and I was kind of sad. I have gotten to know all my seven students and they were a good bunch of people. They had a sense of humor and a willingness to learn. I have been teaching a graduate course I created for my alma mater for a good 5 years now, and this was my favorite classes if not my favorite. I would be lying to you if I said I wasn’t feeling a bit sad hurrying home from my last class. But I had one of those experiences you have in life where you pause for a sec and then it hits you not only how far you’ve come but how much further you can go.
How it Was Back in The Day
I was good student when I was motivated to be and at the time I wasn’t. I was actually quite out of sorts with life at the time and very depressed. I did ok but never was I the student I was in high school. I slept in classes told jokes. Sometimes i would redraw some images from a french painter I loved at the time Toulouse Lautrec. Like Many of his contemporary painters of the time he used to frequent the whore houses and paints scenes from them. I loved his style and technique. I used to do rough sketches of his work while sitting next to my homey named Sal. It was a blast. Id Never though I would have went from renditions of whores and whore houses to being called Professor and writing letters of recommendations for people to get jobs. I got rave reviews and its really ironical to me.
So on my last day of class
One the last day of the class the students had to give their 4 week long presentation and I said to them I am going to sit in the bag and be the a giant douche bag like I used to be. I didn’t draw any whore or whorehouse, but I did disrupt the class and I still got that class clown mojo. It was a balling ass time. and thank God for whore houses and syphilitic french painters
Related articles
- Son of Groucho: WikiPaintings.org – the encyclopedia of painting (wikipaintings.org)
- REVIEW: Sacré bleu: a comedy d’art (macleans.ca)
- Marcelle Lender – French Singer, Dancer And Entertainer (retrorambling.wordpress.com)
- let’s go to a whorehouse…. (awakeningpsyche.wordpress.com)
