Extemporaneous Speaking: MrMary Why Do You Do off the Wall Stuff like take picture of Yourself on the toilet


Ok everyone I have worked a long day and it’s 3:47 in the morning I have to be up soon and I am beyond, so stay with me :-D

One consequence of spending a lot of time alone is that you become familiar with these moments of intersection I like to call them, where that inner voice in your head, that voice that speaks for your heart, and the voice that speaks for your loins, all sound the same. You cannot tell whether you want or need something, you cannot tell whether you are asleep being ever so slowly lulled by the gentle rhythms of emergent images all fantastic just beyond their plain superficial ordinary-ness, you cannot tell whether or not you are moving or stationary because everything whether it is the children playing just beyond the glass of the window or your books, figurine or whatever, passing relic you surround yourself with, right in front of your seems unfairly unreachable.

You dont have the patience to wait, but you dont have a choice, being alone with the experience of alone-ness dictates that you will be forced at some point to that moment afterwards of complete cessation. All the voices go louder and louder till there is nothing to said or a space to say it in, and from that unimaginably lofty position, you know things. You know that that 100lbs or more body that you carry around through the avenues of your life is just that, something you carry around. You also are born into the fact that the face you wear, the personality you have is just an accoutrement, it’s just a decoration, a mark of distinction for whatever it is you are. The right before you are completely taken by the singleness of the moment, you find yourself back here.

And where are you ?

Your in a place where the word on the page are more meaningful than the empty spaces. Where we have titles, were every single action is a transaction bringing us closer to a kind or arrogant solipsism. It’s quite easy to get lost in being called Prof, its even simpler to get lost at someone giving you that kind of smile you always wanted but even received when it happens on the A train heading deeper and deeper into the heart of the city.

It’s not too long before you forgotten that quiet, the singular quietude  you were forced into  however long ago it was.  You’re back to thinking the mask you were and body you drag around are all that there is to you. The Mask and Manteau

I like to remind myself, that this is all a game. I like to remind myself that in enough time, I will be old and peeing in a bag and no one except chicks with gerontic fetishes will want to fuck me. A little while longer after that there will be no trace of my having been here. One of the keenest expressions of mortality is it’s own dismissal.

Maybe there is some meaning in bringing it to the forefront in a conscious way by taking a picture blogging on a toilet in an uncomfortable state of undress.

The last words always belong to someone else, in this case Shakespeare,

Thou hast nor youth nor age,
But, as it were, an after-dinner’s sleep,
Dreaming on both: for all thy blessed youth
Becomes as aged, and doth beg the alms
Of palsied eld; and when thou art old and rich
Thou hast neither heat, affection, limb, nor beauty,
To make thy riches pleasant. What’s yet in this
That bears the name of life? Yet in this life
Lie hid more thousand deaths: yet death we fear,
That makes these odds all even.

I Write Like by Mémoires, journal software. Analyze your writing!

 

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Its 3:35 AM, I just finished work, have to wke up in 4-5 hours but …


But I decided to spend some time with you all as I finish this beer and prepare for an epic back work out and make my to-do list of emailing my students, creating a final, calling the landlord of the new place, make deal with the people at the storage facility where I have all my worldly possession finishing install and troubleshooting new software so I can do some new data analyses next week.  It’s going to be a gruelling weekend. I will be working through it and just may go into work on Sunday. So if I am not as active as I normally am please don’t be too upset: The world and its people need a hero, or someone desperate enough to work like a donkey for chump change and right now I’m that idiot asshole guy:

BJcesDaCIAA24g7

MrMary’s Diary May 7: Dog carcass in alley this morning, tire tread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout “Save us!”… and I’ll whisper “no.”

The quote is from the graphic Novel The Watchman by Alan Moore, I personally don’t mind the accumulated filth  I’m a NY’er its kind of what I do. (That statement means a lot more than what it may seem to mean). Once I get a second where I can breath and take a moment to catch up I will be pumping out blog post like John Holmes pumped out  well bludgeoning stress fractures.

ok Shit,

its 4:22 fell asleep on the computer lo, MrMary gets tired it seem

see ya in a few hours

 

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We are accustomed to live in hopes of good weather ……


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We are accustomed to live in hopes of good weather, a good harvest, a nice love-affair, hopes of becoming rich or getting the office of chief of police, but I’ve never noticed anyone hoping to get wiser. We say to ourselves: it’ll be better under a new Tsar, and in two hundred years it’ll still be better, and nobody tries to make this good time come tomorrow.

― Anton Chekhov

 

Lecturing tonight here is something for ya till I return & Want a PostCard from MrMary


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While my lady was sleeping I took out my harmonica, my actual  harmonica not a double entendre though it is hard to get out once it’s in the box. I decided to singer her a song, an obnoxious  song. I played off key, I just blew I made all sorts of noise.  She tried to hit me  because well she is a light sleeper and woke up early  to walk the dogs. In my defense, I work a lot so I didn’t want her to feel all alone, and I thought this would be a cool way to vocalize/communicate my affections. here’s the song

Postcard for my Readers from Me!

IMG_20130418_134043I love post cards  and I love sending them and giving them out to friendly people. It’s nice well  I think it could be a nice reminder that even though we only interact from behind a screen we are real people too. Everyone loves getting mail, sometimes from negros with overdeveloped arms, like myself. Tell me if you’d like a post card with a special personalized message on it from MrMary MF Poppins.

 

Last but not least a reminder that

you can buy almost anything nowadays

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The Curious Case of jenlefeverwood and an Award I received


With the exception of a different set of secondary sexual characteristics, and probably having smoother skin because I always forget to moisturise and shower with brutally hot water, Jen is very much like me. She has many things to say and is passionate about saying them, I lifted this from her about page:

At times, I am very poetic.  There have been times in my life where I was very lost and dark.  Other times, I am very straight forward and blunt.  I am an out-loud speaker of my mind and I don’t sacrifice who I am for the sake of others. I’m artistic and creative, and I crave, crave so much more out of this life that I call mine!  Too many times, it seems, people over look life as something we all just have… and become unfortunately blind to the gifts and virtues that we possess, that we can receive and experience from others, and that we can build and create, nourish and improve for ourselves as we move forward in time.

Life is too short to bullshit. 

She really inspired me this week. See for many years  I had a lot of people in some way shape or form tell me to shut-up or dismiss what I had to say. It has left me wary of expressing myself to the fullest of my capabilities. She reminded me again this week that life is too short to bullshit and I should go for it and say what I want to say.

It was great !!!! I brushed myself off and  threw myself back into the fracas that is blogging in a more significant way than I had been in a few weeks. That inspiration from Jen and from many of my regular readers helped me kick things up a notch, and their and your support lead to one of the most memorable moments in blogging history, ( also frank zappa’s poster didnt hurt too).

As if that wasn’t enough Jen nominated me for this award, which I gladly accept.

epicallyawesomeaward

I have to tell you 10 epic and/or awesome facts about yourself.  That’s it. Uhm

  1. Sometimes at the market when a song comes on I will shake my ass in the ethnic aisle. Not because that is where I belong but because I am usually there by habit
  2. If I didn’t have sickle cell disease I would get a pilots license
  3. I forget that I walk around the house in my underwear and have answered the door to sign for packages like that
  4. I got 99 problem but a “b@#$h ain’t one
  5. I loved the writings of Raymond Queneau esp Odile and Zazie in the Metro. I actually one time wanted to write my own exercise of style  ” “The really inspired person is never inspired: he’s always inspired: he doesn’t go looking for inspiration and he doesn’t get up in arms about artistic technique.” – Queneau
  6. I have no idea what else to write.
  7. I thought about doing stand-up at many times in my life, and also joining the military in particularly the navy but like many women I’ve dated, I had second thoughts about semen seamen
  8. People who work as auto mechanics never find rim job jokes funny, I guess they are self conscious about their hands being dirty all the time.
  9. I don’t like shaving, it irritates my skin and I usually walk around with some stubble
  10. “Since we cannot change reality, let us change the eyes which see reality.” – Nikos Kazantzakis

Pass it on to some (or 10) bloggers you think are awesome and/or epic–or both. (Again, I’m breaking rules.. I don’t have 10 on my list, but for those I do pass it to, know what the right, real rules are!! So, my nominee’s are:

http://sistasertraline.wordpress.com/
waywardspirit.wordpress.com
acflory.wordpress.com
http://thefloatinglibrary.com/
http://prometheantimes.com/
http://whatidesiredtosay.wordpress.com/
aliceatwonderland.wordpress.com

Non Sequitor

First-Best-Moment-Award-Winner

I got the Best Moment Award… My Acceptance Speech & Nominees


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RULES:

Winners re-post this completely with their acceptance speech. This could be written or video recorded. Winners have the privilege of awarding the next awardees! The re-post should include a NEW set of people/blogs worthy of the award; and winners notify them the great news.

MrMary’s Nominees

Upon these folks I best upon the Best Moment Award

  1. RutabegatheMercenaryResearcher
  2. Exploring Pixie
  3. inkpaperpen
  4. lamentsandlullabies.wordpress.com
  5. justmarj.wordpress.com
  6. jimcolv.wordpress.com
  7. summersolsticemusings.wordpress.com
  8. natalieelizabethbeech.com

 

ACCEPTANCE SPEECH

I saw on Facebook one of my favorite bloggers post pictures of being in and around NYC. I immediately felt that if I had known he would have been in NYC I would have invited him out for a beer.  If He was as cool as I imagine him to be I would have given him a tour through my city.  I spent some minutes pondering what that would be like.

In my brief moment of reverie I  started thinking about all the places that are important to me in the city. There was that hotel near Grand Central where my first real girl-friend initiated me into the double edge sword of sexual activity. There was the massive rock out on the beach near Coney Island where I feed this one seagull a raw Clam from my hand, the bullet in the floor in my old apartment in Brooklyn that would have taken my father from me while I was in Highschool, the last place in Prospect Park where I saw my friend Philip before he died of AIDS, the first emergency room I had to be rushed too, the pizza shop where my sister and I couldn’t stop laughing for a good hour etc While I could go on and enumerate all these personal places these bright lights that shine in my memory,  and it feels nice to think about all these places after so many years, I am quick to realize that no one would want such a tour.

Really when people come to NYC they want to come it to tabula rosa. They want to walk through the city naked with just their expectations, kind of like my first time in that hotel. Thinking about it like that it reminds me of the sky, thousands of cultures around the world looked to the sky and they loved to look at it with their own expectations. The Greeks saw Orion’s Belt differently than the Dogon people, yet its the same 3 stars.

I see NYC very different from someone else. I have lived here, sweated here, tolled under the unbearable weight of trying to make something from myself from the very little I was given by my immigrant parents who while relishing the new opportunitie America had to offer, had difficulty bearing the price coming here exacted from them.

There are millions of stars in the universe but from our skies only a small fraction are  visible from the small fraction that are visible We craft stories on to them, The three stars of Orion belt tell a story an ageless story however unique and different the stories we as species craft onto them. The Brooklyn Bridge, the Jackie Robinson, Prospect Park to me tell an ageless story – The longer I sit here write about the story the closer I come to experiencing maybe asymptotically how it’s really life’s story and I am just one color in its vast canvas or maybe judging by how hard I type in the night on the keyboard, maybe a single sound in the symphony.

There are millions of memories in my mind it seems, but from where I sit at the computer, only a fraction are visible. I am unsure at this moment whether they tell a story or whether I have projected my story on them, but for now in this moment, I have feel my self smiling the half smile I do when I notice I am about to get a little too sentimental about the past.  My favourite blogger whether he knows it or not shares in the story even without his drinking a beer with me, but that’s all good because right now everything seems possible in this moment, and that always, well under the cover of night, seems to be much better than what tomorrow will be bringing me.

I am not sure why I got awarded the Best Moment Award. According to the site:

Awarding the people who live in the moment,
The noble who write and capture the best in life,
The bold who reminded us what really mattered -
Savoring the experience of quality time.

I think it’s very touching that someone or some people think I am living in the moment and that I fit this bill. I thank you a lot for thinking so highly of me. I want to thank my readership. Those of you who really consistently read  what I put out there. Every time I write on here it really for you ladies and gents, honestly. I want to thank the people I have and will collaborate with. You really force me to look at things differently and that helps me grow in some way. Also I should thank all the people who have found offence with what I have said and the sometimes juvenile way in which I joke around, you’ve forced me to be more responsible with my writing and more aware what I put out into the world.

THE WINNERS OF THE BEST MOMENT AWARD ARE:

Check out  all the winners, they are really great bloggers !

  1. Maryam 
  2. Chef Doru
  3. newsrealpoetry
  4. The Wanderer’s Thoughts
  5. Kimberly
  6. Nina
  7. Rosy
  8. The Jolyn Project
  9. James James Morrison Morrison
  10. call2read
  11. ESE’S VOICE
  12. Rendezvous With Renee
  13. Jade Jarvis
  14. ASpoonfulofSuga
  15. allaccesspass
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Taking the Negative Intl Woman’s Day Special: White Women & Movie Serial Killers


Recently I was reading online that Jason Voorhees – a fictional character, is considered  one of the leading cultural icons of American popular culture.  For those of you who don’t know, Jason is a psychotic mass murderer.  A cultural icon btw is an object that represents some aspect of the values, norms or ideals perceived to be inherent in a culture, or section of a culture.

Now, I should explain that Mr Mary does like movies like Friday the 13th or Halloween. Why you say ? Well for starters I have had night terrors all my life and  I prefer in my waking hours not to see or feel terror or fright. Those things are best left for the night time when silence and  an absence of light shield us from the constant need for rationality . The Main reason however I do not like horror movies is I do not like celebrating or laughing at the killing of innocents.

This Genre Of Movies

dhvFor this genre of movies there are the Big Three: Freddy Jason and Michael Meyers. One thing they all have in common  aside from the fact that  they are all unstoppable white male killing machines,  is that they kill white women with more tenacity and than the Bubonic Plague did during Medieval times. One cannot ascertain the rank of a cultural icon as a fictional serialkiller without killing tons of women,more specifically white women.

The Portrayal of Women in Movies

I have always been curious as to why women are portrayed the way they are in horror movies. Look what I found here:

imagesTraditionally women are represented in horror films as the damsel in distress and are usually being attacked by the killer because they have committed a sinful act. This idea is supported by the website “bellaonline.com” as they say that “Horror films, and the slasher subgenre, are famous for portraying women as hypersexual damsels in distress who are usually murdered within the first five minutes as punishment for their indiscretions…”. Women are traditionally represented as the victims and men represented as the monster and hero. This was how women used to be treated before women had equal rights to men; so that was how they were portrayed in horror films.

Horror films also tend to follow the same narrative structure of a male killer on the rampage that kills his victims one by one until he is killed by the remaining female victim. This is also supported by the book “Men, Women and Chainsaws” by Carol J Clover “A phychokiller who slashes to death a string of mostly female victims, one by one, until they are subdued or killed, usually by the one girl who has survived.” – Page 21.

Taking a partial negative

I have always asked myself why don’t these guys every in the movies mass murder black women, then I rationalized that that wouldn’t be a horror movie but a tame re-enactment of an episode of American History.

Slave-hung-on-ship-1The mistreatment of slaves frequently included rape and the sexual abuse of women. Many slaves were killed as a result of resisting sexual attacks. Others sustained psychological and physical trauma. The sexual abuse of slaves was partially rooted in the patriarchal nature of contemporary Southern culture and its view of women of any race as property After 1662, when Virginia adopted the legal doctrine partus sequitur ventrem, sexual relations between white men and black women were regulated by classifying children of slave mothers as slaves regardless of their father’s race or status. After a few generations, numerous slaves were mixed-race (mulatto) offspring of such unions, although white Southern society abhorred sexual relations between white women and black men as damaging to racial purity.

Book Recommendation

index

Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl – Literary Touchstone ClassicPublished in 1861, this was one of the first personal narratives by a slave and one of the few written by a woman. Jacobs (1813-97) was a slave in North Carolina and suffered terribly, along with her family, at the hands of a ruthless owner. She made several failed attempts to escape before successfully making her way North, though it took years of hiding and slow progress. Eventually, she was reunited with her children.

Concerning Ms Jacobs

628x471No one believed she wrote her narrative because  she was a slave. It was believed that it was written by another white women Lydia Maria Child a white abolitionist. Today, with Jacobs’ authorship authenticated, her dramatic narrative provides new generations with a revealing look at a often-hidden side of slavery: the sexual exploitation of women. The brutalization of black girls and women by white slave-masters, who justified their dehumanizing treatment by viewing them as “sexual savages,” was a daily fact of life under slavery. Stripped, beaten, raped and forced to “breed” more slaves, black women suffered a double burden of slavery because of their sexual vulnerability.

Caucasian Women

I think these type of cultural icons  tell a lot about American culture. Because America is a super power we have never been forced to accept accountability for our actions like for instance Germany was forced to do in an international way with the demilitarization of the nation the creation of East and West Germany, the partitioning of Berlin , the Nuremberg Trails.

Taking a partial negative has really opened up many observations for me. One thing I have noticed is the role that caucasian women have played in Black history. There were many great caucasian women who were abolitionist and it’s kind of sad that no one mentions them. Their story needs to be told.

One thing I have never understood well, I do not know how to say it so ill give you an example. Let me tell you about the Harrison Narcotics Act -  a United States federal law that regulated and taxed the production, importation, and distribution of opiates.

In the 1800s opiates and cocaine were mostly unregulated drugs. In the 1890s the Sears & Roebuck catalogue, which was distributed to millions of Americans homes, offered a syringe and a small amount of cocaine for $1.50. At the beginning of the 20th century, cocaine began to be linked to crime. In 1900, the Journal of the American Medical Association published an editorial stating, “Negroes in the South are reported as being addicted to a new form of vice – that of ‘cocaine sniffing’ or the ‘coke habit.’” Some newspapers later claimed cocaine use caused blacks to rape white women and was improving their pistol marksmanship.

The drafters played on fears of “drug-crazed, sex-mad negroes” and made references to Negroes under the influence of drugs murdering whites, degenerate Mexicans smoking marijuana, and “Chinamen” seducing white women with drugs. Dr. Hamilton Wright, testified at a hearing for the Harrison Act. Wright alleged that drugs made blacks uncontrollable, gave them superhuman powers and caused them to rebel against white authority. Dr. Christopher Koch of the State Pharmacy Board of Pennsylvania testified that “Most of the attacks upon the white women of the South are the direct result of a cocaine-crazed Negro brain”.

Before the Act was passed, on February 8, 1914 The New York Times published an article entitled “Negro Cocaine ‘Fiends’ Are New Southern Menace:Murder and Insanity Increasing Among Lower-Class Blacks” by Edward Huntington Williams which reported that Southern sheriffs had increased the caliber of their weapons from .32 to .38 to bring down Negroes under the effect of cocaine.

It is not just black men. Do you remember this:

  • 1930, Anti-Filipino riots break out in Watsonville and other California rural communities, in part because of Filipino men having intimate relations with White women which was in violation of the California anti-miscegenation laws enacted during that time.
  • 1933, After the Supreme Court of California found in Roldan v. Los Angeles County that existing laws against marriage between white persons and “Mongoloids” did not bar a Filipino man from marrying a white woman, California’s anti-miscegenation law, Civil Code, section 60, was amended to prohibit marriages between white persons and members of the “Malay race” (e.g. Filipinos).

It’s odd if you, as an outsider look closely at American History. It seems that there is that same mentality from olden times which persist: that white women exist to maintain the purity of the race and to

  1. Be used as an excuse or means to lynch/or riot against minorities
  2. Be used as fodders for serial killers both fictional and non.

Side Note: Lynching

200px-Duluth-lynching-postcardIn Duluth, Minnesota, on June 15, 1920, three young African American traveling circus workers were lynched after having been jailed and accused of having raped a white woman. A physician’s examination subsequently found no evidence of rape or assault. The alleged “motive” and action by a mob were consistent with the “community policing” model. A book titled The Lynchings in Duluth documented the events. Although the rhetoric surrounding lynchings included justifications about protecting white women, the actions basically erupted out attempts to maintain domination in a rapidly changing society and fears of social change. Btw – All across the former Confederacy, blacks who were suspected of crimes against whites—or even “offenses” no greater than failing to step aside for a white man’s car or protesting a lynching—were tortured, hanged and burned to death by the thousands. In a prefatory essay in Without Sanctuary, historian Leon F. Litwack writes that between 1882 and 1968, at least 4,742 African Americans were murdered that way.

Side Note: The ScottsBoro Case

dorr_whiteOn a cool, spring day in March 1931, two white women hitched a ride on a freight train in Alabama in the hopes of finding work in a neighboring state. When authorities stopped the train some time later, both women, fearing arrest for violating the Mann Act, which prohibited transporting even willing women across state lines for illicit purposes, told police that they had been raped by nine black men who were also scattered along the train. Their accusation caused a furor, and a mob that gathered to lynch the men dispersed only with promises of a speedy trial. Despite little evidence of rape, the men were convicted based on the women’s testimony and sentenced to death. As the case meandered through four separate trials and two supreme court decisions, local whites continued to support the women’s charges, even though one recanted her claim of rape after the second trial. Allegations eventually surfaced that the women were no paragons of virtue. Both had occasionally resorted to prostitution to support themselves and apparently had engaged in sexual relations with unmarried white men in the days before they made their accusations. Nevertheless, in an early articulation of what would come to be rape shield laws, which, in the 1970s, attempted to protect against attacks on the character of a rape victim, white southerners argued that the two women’s sordid sexual past should have no bearing on the case. As one spectator told a reporter, the victim “might be a fallen woman, but by God she is a white woman.” Though the nine accused men eventually won their freedom, the Scottsboro case, as it came to be known, has become the paradigm for all black-on-white rape cases in the twentieth century, in which the accuser’s whiteness overrode any consideration of her gender, sexual history, or class status.

Final Words

dfrs

As a heterosexual man I like woman, all shapes, sizes colors, at the end of the day when the lights are off  all the meat is medium rare, (pink in the middle). Women’s rights,especially reproductive rights were a big issue in the last  election. I feel that the need to suppress women and their  rights has deep deep historical roots in American History.

This post came to me in a day dream.I thought about the horror movie genre and  I wondered what it would look like if all these famous fictional mass-murderers murder minority  women (specifically black women) as much as they do white women in the movies. I think just changing this one aspect brought many things to light which hopefully at one point will be a segway to a serious

Disclaimer: I am of mixed heritage and bear no ill will or violence towards anyone, well I really don’t like people who are close talkers, but that’s something else.

 

late night musings …….. dreamtigers and determinmism 1


If you don’t know my name is Dave, and I write under the “nom de plume” MrMary. I am coming up on 1000 posts soon and I thought it would be nice to visit the concept of authorship. Who is really writing the pieces you read or are reading now?

Honesty

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Yeah that’s honey bunches of oats in the back on top of the fridge

If I am honest  with myself then I would have to be forced to admit that this concept of who I am is  a bit of a mystery.  I am familiar with the memories and behaviour patterns, not to mention the familial/national/societal/cultural conditioning that express themselves frequently in my life. But of course we are more than that? We are constantly growing and changing so really at no point do I feel that we are anchored in an experience of ourselves, which is why I ask again who is the author of these posts.

Yeah this is superbly metaphysical. In class today we broached the metaphysical idea of determinism. Determinism is a large umbrella for a host of ideas which of course are centred around the main point that reality follows a sort of predetermined path.  These family of ideas have a kind of charm to them if you think about it matter itself is finite as are the rules that governs the conditions under which matter can form/shape/arrange itself and yet time is ‘seemingly’ infinite ( are you up to date on the latest on string theory?) When I reflect on it like that I can imagine that my life should be replete with serendipitous synchronisations (sometimes a synchronously) of major themes.  Does this sounds like rambling , lemme see if I can clear up what I am saying with a very brief writing from Borges – the guy from which I learned to write, not blog post but other stuff I write

dreamtiger

To make his horror complete, Caesar, pressed to the foot of a statue by the impatient daggers of his friends, discovers among the blades and faces the face of Marcus Junius Brutus, his protege, perhaps his son, and ceasing to defend himself he exclaims: “You too, my son!” Shakespeare and Quevedo revive the pathetic cry.

Destiny takes pleasure in repetition, variants, symmetries: nineteen centuries later, in the south of the Province of Buenos Aires, a gaucho is attacked by other gauchos. As he falls he recognizes an adopted son of his and says to him with gentle reproof and slow surprise (these words must be heard, not read), “Pero che!” He is being killed, and he does not know he is dying so that a scene may be repeated.

Yeah I have more to say but Im tired. Teaching drains me like the brothel women used to sailors back in the day. Well not like that but you get me stay tuned for part 2

conan

MrMary Observes: Men, Beards, Cuchulainn and Narratives


I noticed something the other day about certain male behavior. I noticed with many men that when they experience major life changing  experiences they do the following:

  1. Grow a Beard
  2. Work out or do some consistent physical activity

ataturk_kemalThis is significant to me I remember when Kemal Attaturk wanted to modernize turkey he did away with the beard, the same for Peter the Great In Russia. I believe he use to impose a tax or fine of some sort against people with beards. I don’t remember exactly and I don’t feel like looking it up for historical accuracy. There is nothing more masculine than a beard.  I remember when I was a kid I feltthat  when I grew facial hair I would be a man, that and driving.

But to get back to what I wanted to talk about,  each of us has a personal narrative that we tell ourselves. it is part of the process of being an individual. let me give you an example: I am Dave I dont like my job because I believe I deserve more, I have worked harder and I believe that my job doesnt value me and as a consequence give me the respect I should get. You see that is a narrative we tell ourselves. (Replace Dave with your name and you can instead of job put relationship or some other thing it is all the same.) It’s extremely subjective and not based in reality. The universe, life doesn’t give a fuck about what I feel I deserve. It’s a narrative I tell myself. I noticed that when a bout of depression comes along the narrative gets stuck in repeat and I cannot do anything else but listen to it and get crushed under it’s weight.

But I do notice that there are things that silence the narrative like physical exertion. The focus on running or lifting the weight or climbing completely shuts down for a while the narrative. I think that in addition to the physiological effects of physical activity is what helps many people including my self deal with depression.  I think that another thing that challenges the narrative are changes to our physical perception.  A huge amount of communication is done through body language posture and appearance, changing our physical look has many ramification on how we feel the energy we project out into society and in turn the response we get from the people around us and who come into and out of our lives.

I remember one day I was down, meaning I had a bout of depression. Before I know it there was a massive beard on my face and  I noticed that peoples perception towards me was very different.   This is important because well for starters there is this idea that you cannot trust a man in a beard. If you think about it  the policeman, the military men, and many people in positions of power do not sport beards.

I will quote from a memoire I read at a bookstore, it was from Craig Ferguson’s  American on Purpose

I think its significant this generalizations about beards. When You sport a beard it is an act of rebellion, rebellion against the social norm. I think its a precursor to internal change and a period of self evaluation. You all remember Conan O’Brien and that tonight show fiasco ?

conan

Side Note: Ok So I lied, I wasn’t that lazy after all

indexTsar Peter I (or Peter the Great) wanted Russian men to look more like others in western society. At that time, in the 17th-18th century, men in Western Europe and the Americas were removing their beards and mustaches and opting for a different style of dress. First the tsar insisted that men wear European dress at court events; then, he began to order court subjects and townspeople to dress in European style. Within a few years he imposed a tax on beards. Clergymen were exempt from the tax, but everyone else had to pay for the right to wear beards.

MrMary Reads: Subtle Degrees


imagessubtle degrees
of domination and servitude
are what you know as love

but love is different
it arrives complete
just there
like the moon in the window

like the sun
of neither east nor west
nor of anyplace

when that sun arrives
east and west arrive

desire only that
of which you have no hope
seek only that
of which you have no clue

love is the sea of not-being
and there intellect drowns

this is not the Oxus River
or some little creek
this is the shoreless sea;
here swimming ends
always in drowning

A Video Message from MrMary


VLOGGER-UFUK-TARHAN-M-GEN

It was late at night and I was feeling antsy. I started pacing around this mental cul-de-sac of a home where I reside. I needed something to do.  One the way from home the train was delayed and I couldn’t make it to the gym in time before it closed? If I am not occupied at times I get very anxious and frustrated. So I did what any 31 guy would do in my situation. No I didnt indulge into a passionate moment of self-pollution I decided to play around with my phone (That’s not what they are calling it nowadays) and made a video and posted it to my YouTube channel. I did a sudden, improvised set-up so things are a bit shoddy. The lighting isn’t great the camera is off to the side and not aligned. In other words shit is all kinds a fucked up.  Nevertheless it was kind of fun. BTW -I showed this video to my punk-ass sister and she said I need to work on the camera and centering it because it looks like I have a  lazy fucking eye. Just wanna say for the record that I do NOT have a lazy fucking eye. I also noticed that I used the work voice a bit on the video which is kinda weird. Anyway, let me know if you’d like me to continue vlogging and what kind of shit should I vlog about. Maybe I can answer some questions  from you the readers. You’re all smart, think some shit up.