FAQS: Fictitiously Asked Questions

Who is most deserving of the title of  “Fictitious”:  the person asking the question, the person answering the question, or the person who believes that after all the words that have ever been said something worthwhile could be said worthy of posterity . Realistically no one has time to answer such questions.  In all honest I just said all this fancy stuff to impress the pretty ladies who have taken enough interest in my blog to ask me some questions. While from where I sit, the ladies, the questions and myself are no more real than the phantasmagorical images of my dream they are still quite enjoyable.

~ MrMary, Wednesday Jan. 18, 2012

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What’s Your Deal?

I find that I age like artisanal bread and not like wine. Stale bread has it’s uses, its the raw material for both bread pudding, croutons, the lie we like to tell ourselves when we feed the ducks at the pond i.e that we really care about nature. For what I say and how I act to be palatable and socially accepted, I generally need to dress my actions and words with irresponsible amounts of sugar, chemical additives and/or preservative.  The best case scenario  though is the introduction of a new lady like yourself (I imagine all my readers to be good looking women who tire of the good life and need a man to spoil, and give him pretense enough to not be so cynical and do nice things like smile, buy silk pillow covers for the pillows you’ll be laying on you come over.)

I find life painful, beautiful, absurd, meaningful all at once. I try to live as freely as possible without hiding behind anything or anyone. It’s like living nude at the beach. While one seems to be at the mercy of the elements, one is truly a king relying only on one’s wit and the fortuitous gifts the seas leaves for you on the shore which probably is debris and garbage from the Tsunami that hit Japan.

“I couldn’t get myself to read the want ads. The thought of sitting in front of a man behind a desk and telling him that I wanted a job, that I was qualified for a job, was too much for me. Frankly, I was horrified by life, at what a man had to do simply in order to eat, sleep, and keep himself clothed.” – Charles Bukowski

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 Are you ever Happy?

Happiness is an idea, like Plato’s ideal phallus. You know how the ancient Greeks were, a matchstick to them was art imitating life – the aftermath of time alone ‘philosophizing’ right before a golden shower of nihilism or the wine dark waters of the Aegean.

The reality is that I have happy moments sad moments. It’s OK, you can laugh at the matchstick joke, I won’t think less of you if you let loose a few giggles.

You know what ? When you are on a first date with someone you really like to see if they are a keeper you should rip one, if after the smoke clears from the bout of flatulence and they are still there laughing, then you may be closer to a winning Lotto Ticket.

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Why all the dirty jokes?

I asked someone once, is there anything real in life, something that means something. He told me to reach down in my pants and see if I have a pair. At first I thought it was sound advice: “Just quit being a pussy, get on with it!!”

Years later I realized  what he really meant. Like Ragu Spaghetti Sauce, It’s in there!!!  Do you get it ?…No? Uhm Schopenahauer called it the will of the species. It was the purest expression of life wanting to continue on in time, beyond politics, beyond social convention. The answer to my question is in there, that’s real.

When the clothes and lights are off, consentually then there is real equality. The Sufi poet Rumi said the way you make love is the way God will be with you.” There is something almost sacred in a generative act.I think dirty jokes take us off our high horse  with all our nuclear bombs and striped toothpaste.

“Humanity, you never had it to begin with.” -Charles Bukowski


Are you religious at all?

No not at all. Not Any religion by principle. The world religion may come from the word religare in Latin which means to restrict. I’m like water, I don’t restrict myself anywhere, I flow where I have to. Neither does God if he is real, that is why we are homies.  The word religion also may come from religio – supernatural constraint, I don’t believe in the supernatural, I believe there is much we don’t know about nature and how it works and we are only scratching the surface of knowledge. To call something supernatural is to admit we don’t have an explanation for it. Id rather admit that  I don’t know

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What do you find attractive in a women?

Ibn Arabi another one of those crazy mystical dudes said that “the contemplation of God in women is the most intense and the most perfect.” In the works of Atheist author Jose Saramago, is the women who are the saviours, the one’s who lead the blind to safe haven. One thing I always loves in women is how each one expresses an aspect of the totality of femininity.

There are very beautiful women who are ugly because of their inner disposition and attitude.  There are some women who are seemingly plain but beautiful for their pleasant disposition. I think our society is very narrow and closed-minded on what counts for beauty. I like a women comfortable in her skin, down to earth, pleasant disposition, I am real sucker for long hair, though I have seen many pull of the shorter hair/bob.  A sense of humor I guess is a must. I don’t discriminate on the basis of race, height, nationality, etc – its all good. To skinny and bony is a bit tough, makes me feel like putting aside 75 cents  a day to feed you and save you, morbidly obese makes me wanna pull a Robin Hood and raid your pantry to support the soup kitchens in my neighborhood

This lovely lady is the object of my current affection, the women behind the howtodateboys blog

“I lay on the floor and looked up those beautiful legs. ‘Baby,’ I said, ‘I’m a genius but nobody knows it but me.’
She looked down at me. ‘Get up off the floor you damn fool and get me a drink.’”
-Charles Bukowski




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