bukowskiYou lose what individualism you have, if you have enough of course, you retain some of it, but most dont have enough, so they become watchers of game shows, y’know, things like that. Then you work the 8 hour job with almost a feeling of goodness, like you’re doing something, and you get married, like marriage is a victory and you have children like having children is a victory, but most things people do are a total grind, marriage, birth, children, it’s something they HAVE to do because they have nothing else to do. There is no glory in it, no esteem, no fire, their lives are flat and the earth is full of them. Sorry, but thats the way I see it. I could not accept the snail’s pace 8-5, Johnnie Carson, merry christmas, happy new year, to me it’s the sickest of all sick things.

~Charles Bukowski

You Know It’s Love

I know it’s love when you realize that this baby will effectively cock-block you for the next 5-8 years, put you in debt, and make you wished sometimes that you pulled out 5 minutes earlier than you did, and still be happy.  I have opinions on everything many of them are fucking crazy and pregnancy is no different. I am going to take you along part of y journey as my lady swells up and takes her frustration out on me, and all the nurses in the hospital and staff completely ignore me although I am the father of this kid and I accompany the lady on every fucking appointment. But let me begin at the beginning.

The Beginning

indexI do not think getting a woman pregnant or raising kids is a meritorious thing, animals in the wild do that.  I do not think being married is an accomplishment either Britney Spears got married. I’m not saying she is an animal, I’m just saying that some animals rut for longer than she was married. Actually I will go on record and saying that one of the biggest mistakes we make is to think because we are born human we are Human. Notice the difference between the common noun human and the proper noun HUMAN. The common noun deal with out biology, we are of the species Homo Sapien Sapien. However we on a whole if you look at our history do not live as Human Beings. To me we aspire in how we live and treat each other to walk the path from human to Human.

Celine said it the best to me at least:

” so many vaginas, stomachs, cocks, snouts, and flies you don’t know what to do with them … shovelsfull! … but hearts? … very rare! in the last five hundred million years too many cocks and gastric tubes to count … but hearts? … on your fingers! …”

I would like to raise a child, not a mindless animal who assumes that because  they use really expensive whitening toothpaste, got a degree from some famous school that pushes out effete passive excuses for human beings and gets discounted electronics made by children their own age who throw themselves from roofs when they can’t take it any more, that they are a human being. If that is a human being then I relinquish that title. Like I said strong crazy opinions.

This Doesn’t Mean I’m not Happy

This is my ecstatic face, once I take it off Nick Cages Face

This is my ecstatic face, once I take it off Nick Cages Face

Au contraire, I’m really happy  I’m quite fucking ecstatic and somehow I am willing to put up with bullshit, and look past shit I normally might curse to the heavens about. Its pretty cool to see how in 10 weeks just the minor changes in things. Anyway, I thought I’d share my thoughts and observations along the way without the sentimentality and bullshit of the other blogs that have come to define that genre of blogs. I wont be placing or recommending any products. I won’t be sharing any of that joyous I creamed my pants when the crib came with that musical mobile filled with ducks and air planes and things that would cause an aviation disaster.

I will tell you what its like to heart a heart beating in a large room, where every corner is empty yet filled with the primal sounds of life, etc stuff like that .

That’s it
Peace