___________________________Eugene Ionesco said it best, ” A work of art is above all an adventure of the mind.” The callipygian Becca (or so I’m guessing, actually I’d wager $20 on it) and MrMary have teamed up to take you on an atypical adventure. On this adventure you will be traveling through a wondrous landscape only bounded by the imagination and the limitless fecundity of sybaritic banter. Here Becca and I journey into the realm of the unknown by way of winter-inspired undergarments
Nice to meet you, Welcome to my office. Please make yourself at home. Do you prefer Rebecca or Becca or Becky ?
I haven’t met too many people who have made an office out of a renovated port-o-potty, but I like what you’ve done with the place. Call me Becca please. A cashier at Raising Canes once mistook my name as Becky as she beckoned me over the loud speaker to pick up my food at the counter. I have been scarred ever since. Oh, and don’t even think of thinking about calling me Reba either.
You’re quite sassy aren’t you? This was the older part of this building the rooms are narrower … ok ..So according to our phone conversation, you have this fixation with long-john the under garment is that right? Not the seafood based fast food chain ? Could you tell me about that ?
Let me put it to you this way, I’d rather have people call me Becky for the rest of my life than eat anything from Long John Silver’s. So yes, I was certainly referring to the underwear that keeps on giving. Particularly the ones of waffle fabric patterns (also known as box-weave). I’m an expert of sorts.
We can back to your hating on Long John’s Silver later… So far I am feeling a lot of strong emotion come from you, the scarring for life, the port-o-potty… I would imagine your long-john fixation might be a very multi layered story As you know my specialty is in fixations the last girl I had on the couch .. that sounds wrong,… but anyways She had a slight fixation with hair pulling but unlike you it didn’t manifest itself in her creative use for thermal undergarments?
She is missing out. Maybe had she done so, she would have been less tempted to compulsively pull out her leg hair. I know it saved me from going bald.
As her therapist the most I can say is that she was a kindergarten teacher and her long-term bf was a hand model … yeah I know right ?!?! … What are the odds Love can happen anywhere even at a finger painting expose
Or an elementary sign language convention.
Yeah I have to agree but unfortunately the Recession hit and her boyfriend could not get any more hand-jobs, it put real strain on their relationship as one would imagine so.
I can imagine how it must have been. Her feigning satisfaction as he half-heartedly fingered through job listings, all the while both knowing that there was no hope in better days to cum come. Such a shame.
Hmmm .. interesting What do you feel about double entendres. What role if any do they play in your long john fixation.? I ask because according to your message your fixation is getting in the way of your personal; relationships. What about you are you able to date and or see anyone? Do you feel that your fixation gets in the way of lasting personal human relationships. I know that’s a lot of questions but we have time.
Yes and no. I date occasionally. Mostly men I pick up in the men’s section of Target. They think it’s my cute way of joke-flirting when I give them tips about which brands of undies are the best. They think I am extra hilarious when I brag about all the different colors of long johns I have. Then, once things start to get steamy, and they see that I really actually wear men’s underwear, all of the sudden they try to act like long johns aren’t sexy or something. What’s up with that? You would think that they make me look like I have a penis or something. Sheesh.
Hmmm I would imagine that the season plays a role in this. Long Johns are proficient and breeze blocking which is preferred in the winter time but during other season leads to disastrous olfaction. But I digress …When was your last serious relationship? If I remember correctly from the 15 min phone message a year and change ago correct? That isn’t too bad.
I don’t want to talk about it.
You seemed to be fine talking about it on the message. This is a safe place where you can say whatever. There is no judgment here. You can feel free to talk
Who are you? One of those old school AIM chat bots that sucks at conversation? I said I don’t want to talk about it.
Hmmm ….Maybe when you feel better about it we can talk some more about the break-up. Maybe instead of talking about it you can tell me some of the songs you listened to alone in the box-weave long john you like so much, that helped you move on as best as you could.
Fine. I’ll fess up. My first taste of blue box-weave Hanes of perfection was the product of a robbery. I had an ex who had several pair. They just looked so damn comfy. I would quickly become brave enough in the relationship to slip into his blue bum burners when he would forget them at my house. That lead to outright shameless hogging of the saggy-crotched pants. We had many a heated tug-of-war. They were his underwear, but I was convinced that they now belonged to me. In fact, if it weren’t for the long johns, we wouldn’t have dated for very long if at all. He was a totally plug (an adjective used to describe someone who is completely and entirely useless – courtesy of Urban Dictionary).
Ah yes … ok a picture is starting to form…
Eventually, we broke things off after I showed up to his step brother’s wedding in them. It was kind of my master plan anyway. I tend to avoid confrontation, so that was how I got the dude to do the dirty work of dumping me instead of the other way around. I ended up getting rid of the tool disguised as a douche bag and even got to keep the underwear. But not at no expense. The stalking that followed the break up almost made me swear off long johns forever. This is getting heavy. I think I need a moment.
The sky has to cry for the crops to grow right?…. That’s what is said. I’m glad you trusted me enough in our first meeting to talk about this relationship. Something will grow from this, something fruitful of course as cliché as that sounds. As I am your therapist I cannot hug you or initiate any physical contact So right behind you I have a Boyfriend pillow I have some question for you when you settle down that might help us get some insight into your long john fixation. We have made more progress than expected
- Do you have dreams where you chase by a banana and or lemon frosted cookie?
- Did your bf wear underwear beneath the long john, or was he just hanging meat, butcher shop style?
- Was it the long john themselves, the parts in them or the combo of parts and container together that made you want to possess them?
- What do you feel when you put on the long johns?
Stay Tuned For Part 2
This collaboration was made possible in part by Woman’s International Month,