Of the thousands of bloggers who continue to feed the capitalistic machinations of WordPress, only a few are chosen for the distinct honor of being Freshly Pressed. While my writing has never won me the honor of being Freshly Pressed, my imaginative sexual advances have won me a few moments with the unusually tantalizing Jen, the author of the recently Freshly Pressed Blog Sips of Jen and Tonic. This interview is part of an  ongoing study I am conducting . I am trying to see to what extent does being FreshlyPressed changes someone. This first interview takes place a few days after Jen has been Freshly Pressed. Enjoy

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Question 1: How does it feel to Be freshly Pressed ? When I think of Freshly Pressed I am brought back to the Massengil and Summer’s Eve commercials of my Youth. Do you feel bathed by the waves of cleanliness and titillated by the delicate aromas of the country flower  designed formula ?

Each morning I would look in the mirror, and say, “Jen, you’ve got this. You are the queen of WordPress.” My cats used to scoff at me, taunting me with their judgmental eyes and exposed buttholes. The day I got Freshly Pressed I put my computer on the ground and said, “What? Ain’t got nothin’ to say now, do you? Meow Mix Muthafuckas.”

Bonus Question: Complete this verse from OutKast Hit So fresh and So Clean
Verse: Don’t you think I’m so sexy I’m…….

I’m not going to finish that lyric because I want all the emphasis to be on my sexiness. Also, it shouldn’t be in the form of a question. It should say, “You obviously think I’m so sexy I’m…”

Question 2:  Now that you’re Freshly Pressed, how will you use your celebrity to help out the disenfranchised bloggers around the blogosphere just outside the circle jerk of fame and notoriety ?

Right now I’m working on putting together a blogging workshop called “Jen and Tonic: How to Become a Blogging Superhero In 10 Easy Steps.” I don’t want to give too much away, but in Chapter 1 I talk about how I maintain my pancake ass while writing posts only my mom finds funny.

Question 3: What are your new Goals now? I’m sure after the partying, drinking music making (if your like me sucking and blowing…. uhm  on the harmonica) you will have a moment where you stop and think what’s next ?  If you need an acoustic accompaniment I will be happy to play along in the key of C or G if your playing cross harp.

My goals are: find out the one thing Meatloaf wouldn’t do for love, get David Hasselhoff to tweet me back, and to have Charlie Sheen make good on his bet that I’d never be Freshly Pressed by making him take me out for a glass of Tiger’s Blood. Oh, and to buy myself a monogrammed Snuggie because I like to keep it classy.

Question 4: Ok serious now, All the joking aside: What do you feel helped you get freshly pressed. So far I have sent all the judges cock shots but the lighting is bad and everyone thinks they got a picture of Carvel‘s Fudgie the whale ice cream cake

There’s a blow hole joke in there, I just know it. The key to getting Freshly Pressed, in my opinion, is to surround yourself with other bloggers. Not only will it help you gain visibility, but you’ll meet people who push you to write better material. Oh, and do some simple proofreading. If your posts read like an intoxicated monkey wrote it, it’s not going to happen no matter how enticing your content is.

Question 5:  Who are some people you would like to see get freshly pressed? and Can you every look at a Fudgie the whale Cake the same again?

I have never wanted a Fudgie the Whale cake as much as I do right now. This is cheating since I’m pretty sure she has already received this honor, but I want every single one of Speaker7’s posts to be Freshly Pressed. She is my favorite blogger, and I have such a huge crush on her that I’d be her future ex-wife if she asked me.


Question 6: What is the greatest thing about your audience ? My audience laughs at my jokes and makes me feel better about myself. They have helped me deal with my chronic masturbation problem…uhm sorry I think that was too much information.

Your audience discourages you from doing that? Mine encourages me! My favorite thing about my audience is that they’re all funnier than I am. And smarter. And cooler. And better-looking. Honestly, I love each of my Hooked on Tonics. I feel like they’re all really good people.

Question 7: Finally if I was Santa claus and you had to sit on my lap for a wish what would you ask me for

For you to scoot a bit to the left because your boner is poking me.

Conclusions

In my interactions with Jen, she has proven to be very nice and witty. She was also very forgiving and looked past all my mental issues and pedantic sense of humor, to respond to these questions. She is quite fun and funny and you can’t go wrong with an alcohol reference as your blog name. Check out her blog and follow her . Thank her for her time and patience with me :-)

Home Page: Sips of Jen and Tonic, About Page: About J & TNew Project: NanowriNO

Thanks Jen for those delicious Sips :-)

Mr.Mary