There are many deceiving phrases in English like: “Fuck Ms Buttersworth!!” While You may ask what has she done to anyone other than pretend to be a character from, a movie called: “The Help”, and a future character Eddie Murphy may impersonate in another film I won’t see …, I would answer: “Nothing, she is a fictitious character, but so were the girls/guys in your wet dreams as a child”.

I would like today to deconstruct the phrase and today: Amateur porn. Technically I have always felt that amateur  should be a video of two virgin trying to figure out  what’s the most obnoxious way to eat either an open faced beef-sammich au jus, or a quick breakfast of over-boiled sausage with weird swampy funk atop boiled eggs, i.e. it should be something no one wants to see.

First the Definitions

NJ Governor Chris Christie amateur weight loser

Amateur:

:one who engages in a pursuit, study, science, or sport as a pastime rather than as a profession

: one lacking in experience and competence in an art or science

ANALysis

First off let stay with this word because it brings up a few interesting points, namely:

  1. For the people who act in porn is it a profession or a past-time?
  2. What is it that they are lacking experience in ?
  3. Concerning the question before by in do we mean “in” literally or figuratively ?

It is neither a profession or a past-time, like brown-bagging it (a non-sexual term that should be) at the market, it’s a way of life.  We have all eaten stuff we didn’t like that left you picking your teeth for a while afterwards, and we have all choked in something in the past, and we have all been in front of a camera, we have all ordered pizza, or momentarily, when it suited us, forgotten the difference between right and wrong.

To me this clearly means that the ‘actors’ in porn, aren’t going hard into method. They are not real actors though like many real actors they need money to support a boyfriend, 3 kids and a coke habit while living in Southern California, and all the furniture on their set is covered to protect from those everyday spills.

Granted maybe it’s not every day that they use all those common plebeian talents all at once, but if you ask me to hold a pose in front of camera, while eating a free box lunch, it wouldn’t be a daunting challenge and that wouldn’t make me an amateur porn star, even if the box was really big and sloppy.

The Real Reason
why it’s called Amateur

Literally road hard and hung up wet. I typed that into Google and she came up and since then I havent been able too (j/k)

Every guy know you can only use the excuse, this is my first time, for a couple for years before you have to start being accountable. In this case it’s a lack of accountability adult film producers are trying to account for.  Why you ask, well because the actors and actresses aren’t what you would call beautiful/handsome in the classic sense – stretch marks,  surgery scars, maybe some bullet/knife wounds sagging parts, … etc. These people are so not classically beautiful they aren’t worth using good film on or even editing crappy film.

Bottom Line: No such thing as amateur porn, there are only less than beautiful people  trying hard to make fucking  not appealing