Illogical Thoughts that make perfect sense

When I was in elementary school, I had to stand and put my right hand over my heart and say the pledge of allegiance  to the Flag and then we would sing this song:

O beautiful for spacious skies,

For amber waves of grain,

For purple mountain majesties

Above the fruited plain!

America! America!

God shed His grace on thee,

And crown thy good with brotherhood

From sea to shining sea!

Ok granted some things have changed  through strip mining and deforestation we have a very different country. It was late night and out of no where I started singing this song and I realized two things:

1. I have no idea who the fuck Lena Durham is or why she is mentioned?
2. If we had a scale of Americaness with 1 being the least and 10 being the most, the Founding Fathers would be a 0 i.e completely unamerican

Woah woah…..

How can the founding fathers be the most unamerican Americans in History?

First Point: Iced Tea

First before 1776 they were British colonists.  You cannot really loose decades of Britishness by signing a mother fucking paper no matter what you attest and agree too. Britain is the enemy and still the enemy that why they continue to flee from dental care to scare us with the many shades of yellow and brown smiles. Should I remind you that these dudes were drinking Tea! it wasn’t the Boston Iced Tea party. If it was they wouldn’t have dressed up as Indians to do it, they would have dressed up as members of the Nestle or Lipton family.

Second Point: Manifest Destiny

This painting (circa 1872) by John Gast called American Progress, is an allegorical representation of the modernization of the new west. Here Columbia, a personification of the United States, leads civilization westward with American settlers, stringing telegraph wire as she sweeps west; she holds a school book. The different stages of economic activity of the pioneers are highlighted and, especially, the changing forms of transportation. Native Americans and animals flee into darkness.

American didn’t become America until it reached from Sea to Shining sea. Until Manifest destiny was actualize and we expanded from the pacific to the Atlantic we were national building and thus not a fully formed nation. The Founding Fathers didn’t come up with the idea of manifest destiny it was a 19th century idea used to justify the Mexican American War. We reached the Pacific in 1846. Two years before the end of the Mexican American war why is this important? I turn to the war hero Ulysses S Grant.

Ulysses S. Grant was a remarkably close observer of the war. In the 1880s he wrote that the war was unjust, accepting the theory that it was designed to gain land open to slavery. He wrote in his memoirs about the war against Mexico: “I was bitterly opposed to the measure, and to this day, regard the war, which resulted, as one of the most unjust ever waged by a stronger against a weaker nation.It was an instance of a republic following the bad example of European monarchies, in not considering justice in their desire to acquire additional territory.”

Grant as well as many others felt the Mexican American war in many ways brought about the  Civil War.

The Southern rebellion was largely the outgrowth of the Mexican war. Nations, like individuals, are punished for their transgressions. We got our punishment in the most sanguinary and expensive war of modern times.

The American civil war is considered among the bloodiest civil war in the worlds history. So for me America is only American after the nation emerges from the two labia of the Mexican-American war and the American Civil war anything before that is not completely American. Would you call half bake cake batter cake? No not at all

Point 3 Founding Fathers were Terrorist

The organized in secret and protested what they felt was an exploitative practice of taxation without representation. According to Bill O Reilly Fox News correspondent that is enough to qualify for terrorism.

“But what I’m trying to say is not just about me — this Occupy Wall Street movement is now very coordinated and they are terrorists,” O’Reilly said. “They are trying to create trouble, that’s what terrorists do.”

Official Defintion of a terrorist:

“[An] act of terrorism, means any activity that

(A) involves a violent act or an act dangerous to human life that is a violation of the criminal laws of the United States or any State, or that would be a criminal violation if committed within the jurisdiction of the United States or of any State; and

(B) appears to be intended

(i) to intimidate or coerce a civilian population;

(ii) to influence the policy of a government by intimidation or coercion; or

(iii) to affect the conduct of a government by assassination or kidnapping.”

Founding Fathers were involved in violent acts dangerous to human life, what they did was considered a criminal violation. They tried to influence the British Governments Policy by coercion, and definitely assassination .

I mean  we use the same parameters to define terrorist acts in other countries we arent part of like for instance look at this headline:

Threat of terrorism remains in Punjab: Chidambaram

Home Minister P. Chidambaram Friday said the threat of terrorism remains in Punjab but expressed confidence about the government’s ability to tackle any attempt to thwart peace in the border state.

I rest my case

The founding fathers of our great nation are the most American of Americans during a political election year But if we look at them through the lenses of America today they were unAmerican, freedom hating, terrorists that ruthlessly oppressed minority factions in their country without having to answer for crimes in an international court of law.

I didnt mention how the war of independence was funding by other nations like France, Netherlands and Spain – multinational; terrorist cells laundering money to plan attack on a ruling power of what is an ideological threat to their freedom and way of life?

MrMary’s
Shit that is illogical but makes sense

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