Originally posted on Mooselicker:
Kids are mean. Other than maybe our parents, kids have supplied us with the majority of our emotional pain. It’s hard when you’re a kid to know who to watch out for and who to avoid. I am well aware children are much more advanced than they used to be. They’re having sex and reading blogs now. Perhaps a kid is reading this blog. Hi kid. Fuck you. Today I provide you with a guide on how to spot those bully classmates of yours. I could save your life with this post. You’ll grow up into an adult with no childhood trauma. Sure, you will be weak and unable to ever write a good book. But you will never have been bullied which I guess is a good thing if you want to never relate to anyone else ever again.
The inspiration for this post comes from a few minutes ago when I was walking to pay my rent. I usually walk to the main office to drop off the check because I enjoy black people hooting and hollering, shouting “go back to Europe white boy” from their windows. That is when I spotted a mean kid. I never saw him before. Yet I immediately could tell he would have a nickname like “Bruiser” or “Knuckles” before coming out of the closet. He rode his bike around the apartment complex. Bad kids always ride bikes. Bad adults do too. Have you ever heard of someone on a bike saving a baby from a car fire? Never! Lance Armstrong is a cheating fake. A kid in my neighborhood died years ago. I knew him somewhat. When my mom found out she said “Wasn’t he an asshole?” I said no. She insisted he was because he would ride his bike in the middle of the street, weaving in and out between cars. Maybe my mom was right. That does sound like something an asshole would do.