This June First I improved National Donut Day

HISTORY of NATIONAL DONUT DAY

AKA D-Day

National Doughnut Day is on the first Friday of June each year, succeeding the Doughnut Day event created by The Salvation Army in 1938 to honor the women who served doughnuts to soldiers during World War I.[1] The holiday celebrates the doughnut (a.k.a. “donut”) — an edible, torus-shaped piece of dough which is deep-fried and sweetened. Many American doughnut stores offer free doughnuts on National Doughnut Day.

MrMary’s Improved Donut Day

The Big-D Day

MrMary is international

The theme of the 21st century is interconnectedness, and no where is that more seen and experienced than the internet where for instance twitter can be used to help coordinate  political and social revolutions in Egypt, protest in NYC, and many more interesting uses like to monitor the public, and to follow icon and deep thinkers like Lil Wayne. I drew from the spirit of the Internet to revamp this day because Americans are all obese and from the fact that  for me its below the waist obesity to revamp this National Day. And so my dear Diabetics (That’s what I’ve decided to call the faithful readers of  Aspoonfulofsuga you’re hooked to my sweetness and for that I will continue drinking the pineapple juice) I give you The New and Improved Donut day

How it works

We all know that holidays like Rivers Drift from theire original intention and meaning. Everyone was a free donut because we are indoctrinated by commercials and love flashy colors. So I changed it around, national Donut day now is a Celebration our love for  satiation.

The goal of the new national Donut day is to have such rough sex with your partner that the next day if they make it to work (provided it a workday) they will have to

1. Sit on a Donut
2. Eat a Donut  to recover the energy spent bracing themselves all

Just like the Internet my new re-vamped  National Donut daybrings together many of my inspirations: fried dough with sugar, sex with a lady, and rough sex with a lady (it’s a given always that the lady receiving is fine because that’s just how I roll)

Official Theme Song:

Tanto Metro and Devonte: Give it to Her Please

Opening Lyrics:

(spoken as a graceful intro)
Yo – yuh say she request it – Ya man let she have it
(She can’t get a way – no) Could never – Could never
Give it to her hard!!!
Ya know – Tanto Metro and Devonte – uh-huh (oh) Listen up
(end of Graceful Intro)

If she said she wanted – if she said she’d need
If she said you love her – give it to her please  (give it to her, give it to her)
If she said she wanted – if she said she’d ne-e-e-ed
Don?t you keep her waiting – Give it to her please

Official Donut Bi-sexual Style

Ideally you would need to let the person of your affection know, but you have to tactfully let them know. How You ask I will tell you

Guys 

Give her this donut – the strawberry Frosted is the Universal Symbol of the Female anatomy,  sprinkles on it only if she vejazzle. The next day before work inflate a cheap donut from your local pharmacy Btw- It’s unbecoming of a gentleman to give it to her flaccid, you have to blow it up first (chuckles)and put in a plastic bag (laughter)

The More You Know

Definition of Vejazzle:  To give the female genitals a sparkly makeover with crystals so as to enhance their appearance.
Used in a sentence: Jennifer Love Hewitt regularly vajazzles her va-jay-jay with Swarovski crystals.

Ladies

Give him this donut: The Chocolate Eclair

Depending on where you get this, you may not get the creamy custard the first mouthful but you will get it soon enough.

Chances are if you are like majority of girls, you use sex a means to get your significant other to do things like take out the garbage, not get angry when you threw out his favorite pair of superman underwear, even though they were full of holes, had a 5 thread count and were an insult to decency, and listen to you talk about how that bitch in the cubicle next to yours at work is trying to destroy you and your soul for all eternity.

What I am trying to say is that your guy approaches your vagina like MrMary approach fast food, I only eat it on the holidays all other times I stay away. He may not immediately understand you want to be ploughed to celebrate the coming interconnected that rules the 21st century figuratively (and literally sexual union too  if you think about it) Work it, how you used to when you initially got together.

I know what Your saying

You’re probably saying MrMary,

1. but that’s every day in my house, the donuts and dirty boxing ( ah that was funny). – yeah perhaps but now it will havea  deeper meaning that can in many ways be a barometer for the national attitude towards tolerance, zenophobia, etc
2. I’m on a diet – Everyone is one a diet, the donuts are an edible reminder. You can substitute some fat free began bullshit if you want be creative, preferably now before you get smashed (BTW if you are a dude and cant eat a donut as  preparation you’re a punk bitch)
3. MrMary – I dont want to get railroaded – I’ve heard this argument before, first off its not about you. Selfishness is a vice because you stop your partner from giving fully and sincerely
4. MrMary – I love the idea but how do i set it up I cant jsut drop a donut down and be flirtacious.My Good Sir/Lady im one step ahead of you here is what you do:

Men:  Remember how we used to place that game in preschool where we would throw multicolored rings on a stick?  Same principle at work here Playboy. Place your two fingers in the empty vacuous hole of the doughnut. Turn to your love and say in a seductive way (might pay to raise an eyebrow)… 2 in the Pink ?

Women: say to your man, “It bad to talk when your mouth is full and then take the eclair and cram as much as you can in. Don’t worry about immediate cleanliness  if there’s custard on your chin…well Im sure you’ve been there before.

And there it is my Diabetics

You can thank me later, if you are a guy  get me some drink at the local bar or pub when I roll through your city, ladies participate in my stop and Frisk holiday on Aug 5th – that is the new holiday I’m establish where one stops and frisks a member of the opposite sex of a different race than your to promote understand and dissolve racial tension, more details to follow.

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