The real reason Why Bob Dylan was Given the Presidential Medal of Freedom

What kind of Bees produce milk….(wait for it..BOOBIES)….

I am gonna tell you the real reason Bob DYlan got that Presidential Medal of Freedom. Yeah people are gonna dismiss what I say and retort with statements like: This dude is crazy or this dude got no facts. While both those statements are true I know when I feel right, its like that sudden weird cramp right before explosive diarrhea: (“I was right those taco were extra greasy and foul”)

The Presidential Medal of Freedom

It recognizes those individuals who have made “an especially meritorious contribution to the security or national interests of the United States, world peace, cultural or other significant public or private endeavors”

Bob Dylan

And yet what is this Quintessence of Dust

“There is not a bigger giant in the history of American music,”
Obama

English is not my first language and I personally don’t know any of Bobby’s songs. I have never attended a protest or a rally, or boned easy chick in touch with their sense of self on grass or other natural settings- isn’t that’s what folk music is about ? However this fucker  dude has won 11 Grammy Awards, and honorary Pulitzer Prize in 2008 for his “profound impact on popular music and American culture, marked by lyrical compositions of extraordinary poetic power.”- all  a lot more accolades than Sean Connery’s character in Finding Forrester.  Some academics aka douchebags have been pushing for Dylan to be awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature.

I think my all around lack of knowledge and care for Bob Dylan has allowed me deep insight into the real reasons behind the bullshit ones you were told why he got the medal.

Mystical Past

Like most political candidates who invent a mythological American History, he invents a lot about his past

There has always been mythologising around Dylan, mostly self-perpetuated- -  he once said that he was an orphan, did not know his parents and that he had been traveling with a carnival from the age of 13. In 1963, he said he had lost contact with his parents ‘for years’. This was far from the truth – in reality they were always close.

That Chocolate Milk is a Bitch

Former kindergarten teacher turned hip hop video model Esther Baxter

For America!!! I salute the Flag with a smaller but sizeable Flag of my own, Half Mast is for punks!!!

All my single white friend have asked me on the sly can I set them up with some black chick, as if my call to fame was being a pimp. Not only can you not love these ho’s you also can’t hook your friends up with them for free, ya feelin me- well you would be for the right price.

Indeed, for someone who is famous for being an uncommunicative loner, Dylan has an almost ludicrously eventful romantic life.  For some time he has had a penchant for voluptuous, maternal women, mostly African-American.’Bob has a thing for black women,’ confirms Howard Sounes, author of the respected Dylan biography Down The Highway.

America has a thing for black women historically at least and looking at the way the Russian Jewish/Christian dudes at my university were scoping out the black chicks, wondering if it tasted like a black russian, I would say that love for chocolate milk hasn’t faded.

Illogical Purchases

He buys shit he don’t really, really need. That’s American as paying Ryan Seacrest to do anything. Canadians don’t buy shit they don’t need they are do busy being nice and recovering from the woulds inflicted on each other during the last hockey season.

‘At the last count, he had almost a dozen properties – most recently reported is a mansion in the Scottish Highlands bought for £10million. In each house he employs a caretaker who lives there and keeps the place, but he does not actually live in any of them. He will drop in from time to time instead.’

Respects the Institution of Marriage

I’m just give you 2 examples:

1. His first marriage to former Playboy bunny Sara Lowndes  seems to have been undermined by Dylan’s drug-taking and womanising. One morning in 1977  Sara went down to breakfast at their New York home and discovered her husband sitting at the table with their children – and a woman called Malka, a poetess who had evidently spent the night with her husband. Sara won custody of the children and Dylan hit back by having an affair with Faridi McFree, a therapist whom she hired to help the children cope with the upheaval of the divorce.
2. While romancing backing singer Helena Springs he became infatuated with Mary Alice Artes, a black actress who was involved with a group of religious fundamentalists.While he was romancing Carolyn Dennis, later his second wife, he was also seeing Ruth Tyrangiel (their affair ran from 1974 to 1991, and he ended up paying her alimony as she was legally considered his common-law wife).
3. He also simultaneously romanced Susan Ross, a legal assistant, who later condemned him as emotionally parsimonious, a rotten lover and a recovering alcoholic. She believed there were many other women in his life – including another secret marriage to another backing singer, named Clydie King.

Religion

He is a little off when it comes to Religion a born-again Christian and then a devout Jew, now just old and pleonastically wrinkly like an elephants ball-sack. I guess he cant make up who killed Jesus so he keeps switching side

And there you have it !!!

Bob Dylan got the prize because he is the best mirror America has to admire herself. Mirror mirror on the wall …. By the way jokes aside, I really serious don’t know anything about this dude and am not attracted to his music can anyone give me a heads up on that ?