Last week while teaching my grad course in the same classroom where I took most of my undergraduate courses, I was overcome with nostalgia and sheer awe. It was a surreal experience.The students were so doe-eyed and innocent, they really cared. No one fell asleep, students asked questions I was shocked. At one point I broke out into laughter because of the memories of some crazy stunts I pulled. I thought I’d share my infamous microbiology lab fiasco.

Keep in mind that 1.5 people who apply for a faculty position with a PhD get the position. I have been teaching this course I designed for 5 years now online and then in the classroom. I have acheived a decent amount of success teaching which always puzzles me as I was the biggest class clown/dick.

The Lab Experience

We have prepared petri-dishes each divided into  4 parts, we had to go and sample various environments, and grow the bacteria from those environments. Typically students picked doorknobs, the coffee machine, the ice machine,  elevator buttons. I didnt want to do what every else was doing, I am an originator after all

So I thought what to do that would  spice it up. Then I had an epiphany. I myself am an environment. There are  natural bacteria that live on and in human beings why not swab myself.

Once I heard the term in my mind “Swab myself” I knew I had hit creative pay-dirt. So I told my lab partner he found it funny and off we went  separate to procur the samples. My four samples were:

1. Generic Nutsack Swab
2. Dick Swab
3. Right Nut
4. and the typical CSI cheek Swab

It was an impersonal omage to oral orifice plundering.

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Long story short everyone’s plates had to be destroyed. I believe that bacterial found on the human body were never meant to be cultured and cultivated. Unfortunately no one was smart enough to say this in the directions or in class. Now if and when that lab is done, especially if by the same teacher he has to tell the class not to swab their private parts and though the human body is a diverse environment not to use it for the lab.

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