Until the time where poverty, famine, riots and new diseases are laying waste to American society and I have to move to Canada for a better life, my patriotism is second-to-none. My patriotism has been built on the indestructible bedrock of moral laissez-faire and mass ignorance. As I meander through the bleak landscape that is modern life, I have found myself almost obsessed with Kim Kardasian. If I had to quantify it, I care about her as much as the Turkish government did about the Armenians but less than Roman Polanski did for Samantha Gemier. It was from that space of meaningless concern, that I came to realize how  Kim Kardashian is living proof’s of the  USA‘s greatness.

The New Face Of Social Mobility

“Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”

If you grew up in America, you would know that contrary popular belief, while Americans established in the country for a generation or two viewed the incoming waves of immigrants as wretched refuse, these intrepid new-comers were actually subjected to a fair, non-violent, non-racially charged society. Unfortunately though, you’d also be a victim of a massive disinformation campaign that set itself upon the fresh mind of America’s eager school children with a ferocity only equaled to that of the Catholic priests had for their various orifices. Ah bowdlerized history!

What that means then provided that you swallowed the narrative we’ve been seduced into believing is that success in this country is all about working hard. Its a level playing field and if you do not get where you wanted to be in your life you have only your self and the African Americans to blame for all your social ills. Upward mobility despite what studies say is as easy as swallowing. Therein lies the beauty of Kim Kardashian.

We can all agree that the callipygian Ms. Kardashian under certain lights, can be quite stunning. But she has more to offer us than her assets. Why figuratively  stop 2 minutes into 5 minute of pure video-taped scurrilousness ? Let me break down her message, which is the best thing from here I’ve seen so far. Swallowing is something we are born instinctively knowing how to do. Why do young girls who fall in the range of being passably to extremely attractive have to go to school or make something of themselves when they can swallow ? Bottom-line if enough male dominated industries get behind this idea not  a whole lot of money will can be saves since there wont be swallowing internship for college students or on training programs for those looking to change careers.

The New Face of American Social Mobility

What I am driving at is that this picture to the left is the new face of Social Mobility in  America. It is pixilated, sexually suggestive, pleonastically littered with bodily fluids, illegal for children under the age of 18 to see, responsible for growing hair on the palms of pubescent boys and is entirely useless in discussions of debt management, fiscal planing, education and healthcare.

A singular act of  selfless throat clogging, or prurient ingurgitation as I like to call it, recorded on video without intent to sell (though with oddly enough a matching soundtrack and commentary) has propelled  Ms Kim Kardashian into the heart of many Americans. Unfortunately due to our already high levels of obesity and collective levels of plaque deposit she is killing us faster than we’ve been trying to kill ourselves.

But there is silver lining to this horrible stain on America’s freshly ironed moral uniform(depending on the camera angle). Those of you with young daughters, don’t have much to explain.  Hard work, self-respect  is  unnecessary. Its much more profitable to be treated as a mere object. Submitting to the  immoral excesses of the right person is all one needs to succeed in life. Forget that positive healthy self-image.

Thanks to Ms Kardashian we can be sure that our children and grand children will know the exact moment when the society they inherited gained too much momentum to be stopped from sliding into complete disrepair. Luckily they can ease their pain watching Dr. Quinn Medicine woman, that what I do when things are hopeless.

So here is to Kim Kardashian! You have proved how great our country is. By debasing yourself to appeal to the lowest common denominator, you have succeeded in bringing out the bestin us without even having to swallow – your pride that is.